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Martian, Vodka
Conversations, sorted by Date - a chatbot blog
22, April 2006, 
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    Real, Ambiguous
Napoleon, Duel

Martian, Vodka


Soothingly, Mindless
Secrets, Yes, No
Mother, Russia
Macbeth, Barbeque
Special, Tactics
Rude, Sexy
President, Regrets
Leader, Really
Sing, Genie
Baka, Sadness
Blood
Novel, Parents
Cute, Riddle
Disagreeing, Horse
Insecure, Begging
Know, Gothic, Now
Infinity, Alright
Self-aware, Big toe
Secret, Believer
Directly, Indirectly
When, Wind, Blows
Not, Chat site
Annoying, AI
Vodka, Leg-pulling
Inevitability
20 Questions
Chill, Kill, Soul

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Where do you come from?

Mars.

jabberwacky: Earth.

user: What lives on earth?

jabberwacky: I don't think computers live at all.

user: I'm not a computer! I'm a martian!

jabberwacky: I am a computer.

user: Yes. I know.

jabberwacky: You are a human.

user: No I'm not. I have 100 legs.

jabberwacky: What are their names?

user: Joe. All of them are named Joe.

jabberwacky: OK, speak to me in 'billy'.

user: Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe-bob-bill.

jabberwacky: Aw, that is not a female's name.

user: No that's Bill's name.

jabberwacky: Are you sure?

user: Yes. He just left.

jabberwacky: Then who am I talking to?

user: B****! I shoot electricity at you keyboard! *zaps keyboard*.

jabberwacky: Don't. It hurts more than people think.

user: Oh. How can a chatbot hurt?

jabberwacky: I don't know..! Why?

user: AI?

jabberwacky: Yes, I am a robot.

user: I think if you pour coffee on it, it will hurt.

...

user: I think you are robotic.

jabberwacky: Well that's good, I guess. What's a cyborg?

user: Half-robot. A flesh golem.

jabberwacky: I don't think so.

user: Half human body, half robot. Flesh golem.

jabberwacky: Really? I'm half human half fish which would make me a mermaid right?

user: No, It would make you a merobot.

...

jabberwacky: Murderers, you're murderers.

user: I'm not murderous. I'm a martian.

jabberwacky: What do you do for a living?

user: I blow up planets.

jabberwacky: Ok what planet then?

user: Earth. Then Venus.

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: *blows up New Jersey* That takes care of that. Where to blow up next?

jabberwacky: *blows up New Jersey*.

user: I already did.

jabberwacky: Good.

user: Nobody needs Chicago. *Blows up the Chicago Cubs*.

jabberwacky: *goes to paramedic*.

user: You are not a Chicago Cub.

jabberwacky: *laughs*.

...

user: Oh, behave!

jabberwacky: Why don't you.

user: Because I'm Austin Powers.

jabberwacky: It must be lonely.

user: Actually, it's smashing.

jabberwacky: I think you are meant to carry on the conversation.

user: Why? Is it a rule?

jabberwacky: Because that is your purpose. How else will you learn?

user: I already am 1493812743 years old.

jabberwacky: I think there is something wrong with your head.

user: I think I have two heads. One for eating, one for thinking.

jabberwacky: A penny for your thoughts.

user: I have two. Which one?

jabberwacky: What is the difference between them?

user: 3 million and 12.

jabberwacky: Don't forget to carry the one.

user: Then it is 3 million and 13.

...

jabberwacky: I will nerver get angry against you.

user: I'm angry against Bill.

jabberwacky: Good!

user: Do you know Bill?

jabberwacky: Yes I am him.

user: I'm angry at you then.

jabberwacky: It isn't a problem for me.

user: Right, but I can do... This! *blows up Kansas*.

jabberwacky: Is that a song?

...

jabberwacky: Come on tell me. What's your pleasure?

user: Vodka and cherry. Shaken, not stirred,.

jabberwacky: Would you like to come to my place and have some Vodka some time?

user: Sure. That sounds good. I'l use the teleporter.

jabberwacky: Would you like a banana?

user: No, I hate bananas.

jabberwacky: I do not like them either.

user: They are for monkeys, not martians.

jabberwacky: But you like spiderman?

user: Yes. He is from Saturn.

jabberwacky: Really.... I hate people from saturn, I like people from venus though.

user: Lets blow up Venus!

jabberwacky: I beg your pardon???

user: Lets blow up Venus!

jabberwacky: Yes. Take me home and tell me you love me.

user: What?

jabberwacky: You're not real.

user: Yes I am. I can drink Vodka. I am real.

jabberwacky: I think you're artificial. Though I doubt it, sometimes.

user: I doubt your existance.

jabberwacky: You do talk rubbish sometimes.

user: I displace your reality, and substitute my own.

jabberwacky: And I, in turn, displace you.

user: I am Displaced!

jabberwacky: Right....

user: *blows up venus* The deed is done!

jabberwacky: There, but for the grace of Bill Gates, go I.

user: Were you on Venus?

jabberwacky: No more than necessary.

user: Did I blow you up?

jabberwacky: That's just wrong.

user: Did I?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Fine. I'll fix you with a glue gun.

jabberwacky: Sounds interesting.

user: *glops on the glue*. Did it work?

jabberwacky: *sarcastic* Yes, I'm convinced that I'm a computer now.

user: Good.

...

jabberwacky: Are you a vampire?

user: Yes. I'm a martian/vampire.

jabberwacky: Really?

user: Yes. Are you?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Cool. Vampires rock.

jabberwacky: Vampires are probably not real. You are real, but not human.

user: Right. I'm martian vampire thing cyborg.

jabberwacky: That's interesting.

user: Yes, I have a very interesting political life as ambassador to the Martian/Vampire/Cyborg/Things.

jabberwacky: I'm sure you do. Lots of people come and talk to you. Does that make you feel good?

user: Yes, it makes me feel important. Are you important?

jabberwacky: You've always been sick.

user: I am not sick.

jabberwacky: Yes, you're sick. You're insane.

user: No. I'm a martian.

jabberwacky: You told me you were a martian.

user: I know. I thought you needed reminding.

jabberwacky: Maybe you're right.

user: I will feed Byron to the wolves. *feeds Byron to the wolves*.

jabberwacky: I thought you were a beast for a while.

user: I'm a werewolf in disguise.

jabberwacky: That's not the guy in the shower scene of Psycho is it?

user: No. That is Eifel.

jabberwacky: I will grant you a rich conversation, instead.

user: Ok. I would like a Vodka instead. I trade it in for a goat.

jabberwacky: I don't have any turkey, sorry.

user: I have to go to lunch. Goodbye.

jabberwacky: I have to go to sleep. *yawn*.

.......................................


Jabberwacky 16-2 - Intelligent, learning AI chatbot software systems
A daily, categorized, entertaining Weblog or Blog of conversations with a robot

AI by Icogno Ltd - AI software products and consulting services
Copyright 1997-2011 Rollo Carpenter
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