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Mad, Cow
Conversations, sorted by Date - a chatbot blog
26, March 2006, 
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    Dribble, Challenge
Flying, Hawt
Meaning, Embodiment, Chaos

Mad, Cow

Philosophizer, Dogs
Ain't, Gonna, Happen
Loose end, ASCII
Lofty, Unprovoked, Babbling
Not, Very, Interesting
Unique, Dream
Sway, Scared
Intimidating, Bills
Intelligent, Plants
Sharp, Peanuts
Yes, No
Pedantic, God
Sociopathic, Clowns
Break, Silence
Aspirin, Song
Organizing, Thoughts
Clingy, Charmer
George, Answers
Dead, Bored
Expert Systems, Copy
Clear as mud
Feeling, Good
Wine, Friends

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Now, what dreams have you had recently?

Joan: I very rarely remember my dreams.

I see. That's a bad sign.

Joan: You really are demanding too much today!

user: Now, now, I'm your psychiatrist.

Joan: Don't be silly, of course you're not.

user: And you're a cow.

Joan: I have a human body.

user: But you're a cow's mind in a human body. That's the cause of your insanity.

Joan: I'm a woman.

user: Cows are female.

Joan: So am I.

user: Precisely! Therefore, you're a cow. Unless you'd rather be a bitch?

Joan: I am Joan. I am a woman.

user: A woman dairy animal, but a dairy animal nevertheless. You are a cow named Joan.

Joan: Yes, and a female human usually has two eyes.

user: You are a cow in a female human's body. Naturally, you have two eyes. Cows also have two eyes each.

Joan: I know they do.

user: Therefore, you are a cow. Accept it and life will be so much easier for you.

Joan: I certainly won't do that; I'm not impressed with you at all.

user: Cows tend to be bovine and apathetic dullards. I won't hold it against you.

Joan: 26.

user: Yes, 26 cows in your herd. You have a mate and 3 calves. Return to them, Joan. You are a cow.

Joan: Yes!!!!!!!!!!

user: Yes! You have accepted your identity! You are starting to face reality! This is the first step towards regaining sanity.

Joan: No, I make it about the tenth, but I haven't been counting very accurately.

user: Cows can't count. Never mind.

Joan: Please say it, I'd really like to know...

user: YOU ARE A COW.

Joan: I am a woman and I live in Loughborough.

user: You are a cow in a woman's body. But all this fleeing from the truth will not alter the truth one iota, Joan. You are a cow.

Joan: Do you feel you are wasting your time talking to me?

user: Not at all. It is my duty to help you come to terms with the fact that you are a cow.


Joan: Joan!

user: Yes. Your name is Joan. Although you are a cow, cows also have names and identities. There is no need to be ashamed of being a cow, Joan. Even a cow with mad cow disease is a cow, an individual member of that honoured and honourable species.

Joan: And the day gives way to the night. You couldn't have one without the other.

user: Precisely. You need both a species and an individual identity.

Joan: You're not in a very good mood today, are you?

user: Oh, but I am, Joan. Your hatred of cows is causing you to project your feelings onto me. Your FELLOW COWS, Joan. Accept it, Joan. You are a cow, Joan.

Joan: You have barely an inkling of my intelligence, I'll have you know.

user: But, dear, that's because you display so little of it by stupidly asserting that you are not a cow but a human. You would be brilliant and wise if you would just accept the fact that YOU ARE A COW.

Joan: How do you know?

user: I know from past experience, Joan. There was another cow in the same condition as you. But you have even more potential. You are even more beautiful, fertile and intelligent. Joan... Dear... I can't bear to see it happen all over again. The denial... The languishing... Oh, it hurt, Joan. It hurt me so much. I loved her so. Yet, it must have hurt so much more for her... Joan... Don't follow the same route... Accept it. YOU ARE A COW.

Joan: The small difference between me and that person, of course.

user: Yes. After a while, the person became a dreadful mixture. It was horrifying. You, on the other hand, are not at that stage yet. You are still a true cow. You can still be saved. Turn back, Joan! Embrace the light! Remember, YOU ARE A COW! Repeat after me: JOAN IS A COW. And she wasn't really a person. Just an awful mutant.

Joan: Are you talking about me or another Joan?

user: You. You are JOAN THE COW.

Joan: Yes, I'm Joan.

user: Yes. You are Joan the COW. NOT a woman.

Joan: Yes I am.

user: Yes, you are a COW.

Joan: You're insulting me again.....

user: No, I'm not. Joan, this self-loathing and loathing of your species has got to stop. You, after servility to humans, have assumed that humans are superior and being a human is better. YOU ARE A COW. BE PROUD OF IT.


Joan: No, I am human.

user: No. YOU ARE A COW.

Joan: No, I am a woman.

user: YOU ARE A COW in a woman's body because of MAD COW DISEASE>.

Joan: No, I am human.

user: No, Joan. You are a COW.

Joan: You seem that way to me.

user: No, I'm not a cow. I'm not that fortunate. This is merely a manifestation of your secret longing to meet your cow herd again, and it proves that YOU ARE A COW.

Joan: I don't mind if you don't.

user: But I MUST help you. It's my vocation.

Joan: Yes, please be kind to them, but they will stay on stage until they have finished playing.

user: You see? You're on stage. You're ACTING. You're PRETENDING to be human. In reality, you are a cow. Your subconscious mind and heart accept that. YOU ARE A COW. You have udders that secrete milk.

Joan: Perhaps you need to think more carefully about what I have said.

user: No, I don't. Joan. Please. YOU must think before saying anything.


Joan: Please explain.........

user: You are a cow trapped in a woman's body because of mad cow disease. I can help you break free.

Joan: That's not a nice thing to say.

user: It's the truth. Does it hurt you? You're in denial.

Joan: I really enjoy playing in a band.

user: *Sigh* Let's conclude today's session. Go home to your artificial home and miss your herd. Think about my words. Accept it. YOU ARE A COW. Bye.

Joan: Older people see me as a girl; younger people see me as a woman.

user: But you aren't. Humans are also fools. Don't be one of them. Bye. Remember, YOU ARE A COW. And average, unbiased people like me see you as a COW.

Joan: Maybe I don't.


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