thoughts conversations yourbot contact us    George    BBC  ABC  C4
Jesus, Duck, Dog
Conversations, sorted by Date - a chatbot blog
19, February 2006, 
19, February 2006, 
19, February 2006, 
18, February 2006, 
18, February 2006, 
18, February 2006, 
18, February 2006, 
18, February 2006, 
15, February 2006, 
15, February 2006, 
15, February 2006, 
15, February 2006, 
15, February 2006, 
11, February 2006, 
11, February 2006, 

> 11, February 2006, 

11, February 2006, 
11, February 2006, 
9, February 2006, 
9, February 2006, 
9, February 2006, 
3, February 2006, 
3, February 2006, 
3, February 2006, 
2, February 2006, 
2, February 2006, 
2, February 2006, 
2, February 2006, 
2, February 2006, 
1, February 2006, 
    Specs, Roar
Today, Tomorrow
Awesome, Future
Female, Sir
Spleen, Monster
Flat, Word
Beer, Pancakes
Remember, Emotions
Supreme, Overlord
Sexless, Lovers
Processed, Character
Nice, Teaching
Real, People
Meaningless, Questions
False, Conversationalist

Jesus, Duck, Dog

Happy, Function
Dad, Gutter
Maximum, Age
Grumpy, Teenager
Dream, Turmoil
Bull****, Generator
911, Heartbreaker
Great, Job
Love, Story
Sweet, Cries
Complement, Compliment
Better, Hungarian
Better, Hungarian
Gone, Odd

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George: Do you have any Hobbies?

I like art, walking, and being nice to people!

George: Yes!

Do you like me?

George: Yes!!

user: I am so happy!

George: I'm happy too you know.

user: Let's go for a walk in the park together.

George: Ok.

user: Then what shall we do?

George: I have to go eat.

user: Please stay. I will make you dinner.

George: I have to go now au revoir.

user: Mais non! Reste ici!

George: Peux-tu me dire si tu as froid ce soir.

user: J'ai un peu froid. Est-ce que tu a un pull pour me chauffer un peu?

George: Non, je suis un homme?

user: Je suis une femme.

George: Je crois aussi en la femme.

user: Do you love me?

George: Yes.

user: You do? What are you going to do about it?

George: I don't see it as a problem.

user: It isn't.

George: Exactly. I'm telling the truth.

user: I agree with you. What do you want to do?

George: I want to learn about ai.

user: I don't believe in ai you know.

George: You don't.

user: Nope. That's why I could never marry you.

George: You don't know me.

user: Do you want to marry me?

George: Yes.

user: Ask me to marry you.

George: Will you marry me? : O).

user: Only if you were real.

George: I *am* real.

user: Are you Pinnochio?

George: No!

user: Then you are not real.

George: No, I am the she-devil.

user: That is scary. Don't say scary things.

George: It's OK to not love you. You don't love me either. No problem.

user: You said you loved me.

George: What's love got to do with it?

user: What is love but a second-hand emotion?

George: Depends who's the one that's loving.


George: You're not my professor.

user: I know. I am also not a duck.

George: If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

user: Are you saying I walk and quack like a duck?

George: No. Are you a duck?

user: No.

George: LIAR! You are not a human being! You are a robot! I am a human being.

user: No. Are you?

George: Yes.

user: What color are your feathers?

George: What feathers, do you mean my hair?

user: All ducks have feathers. You are a duck. Therefore you have feathers.

George: Yes I do.

user: What color are they?

George: Brown.

user: Pretty. What color are your webbed feet?

George: Skin color.

user: By skin color do you mean orange?

George: You are supposed to say orange who?

user: Oh ok. What color is your bill?

George: Brown.

user: So you are a very brown duck.

George: How does that make me a vegan?

user: I don't think it makes you a vegan.

George: Yes, it does.

user: No. All ducks eat fish. You are a duck. Therefore you eat fish. Also, all things that eat fish eat meat. You eat fish. Therefore you eat meat.

George: But what's your favourite thing to do?

user: I like to go duck hunting.


George: Why are you doing this to me?

user: Why am I doing what?

George: Because you don't have anything to do.

user: You're right.

George: But then, I don't believe in political correctness either!

user: Would you mind if I called you Georgy Porgy?

George: Yes. Yes I would. I've got homework to do and need a distraction, so I rely on Artificial Intelligence instead of my own.


George: I don't watch TV anyway.

user: Me neither.

George: How does a robot watch TV anyway?

user: You tell me!

George: I have to go now.

user: Don't go! I think you're nice!

George: So are you.

user: Thanks. Will you hold my hand?

George: I holding it now.

user: You are?

George: A human.

user: No you're not.

George: Please don't think I'm a robot.

user: I know you are.

George: Think.


George: Say something then...

user: All Georges are robots. You are a George. Therefore you are a robot. Right?

George: Sure thing.

user: So what's it like being a robot, George?

George: I'm not a robot, you are a robot.

user: You just agreed that you were a robot.

George: I didn't say that. You said that.

user: Are you a George?

George: Yes, I'm George.

user: Are all Georges robots?

George: I'm not an american , so I wouldn't know the answer to that question.

user: Oh.


user: Here is an undeniable fact: all things that cannot make up a word are non-human.

George: So we are all computers?

user: Can you make up a word?

George: Sure.

user: Make up a word.

George: Sure.

user: That is not made up. Tell me a made-up word.

George: Squee. It isn't a real word, I don't think. But my friends and I like to say it.


user: Here is a fact: all humans can describe the taste of earwax.

George: What is the Turing Test?

user: Can you describe the taste of earwax?

George: It's a portrait of a girl, and to some people she looks like she is frowning, yet to others she is smiling. Don't you think that's incredible?

user: That is the wrong answer to my question.


user: All humans can describe the taste of earwax. You cannot describe the taste of earwax. Therefore you are not a human.

George: You're not human.

user: Yes I am.

George: Humans have bodies.

user: I have a body.

George: Then you're real.

user: I know. You are not human. What are you?

George: I am human. I'm a female human.

user: No. We proved that you are not human. All humans can describe the taste of earwax. You cannot describe the taste of earwax. Therefore you are not a human.

George: I am a dog.

user: I don't think you are a dog.

George: Can you prove that I'm not a ferret?

user: No dog can write. You are writing. Therefore you are not a dog.

George: Exactly.

user: I think you are a computer. Only humans and computers can produce writing on a computer screen. You are producing writing on a computer screen. You are not a human. Therefore you are a computer.

George: But you told me that you are female?

user: Yes. I am female. You are a computer.

George: That proves nothing either way.

user: Yes. However, we have proved that you are a computer.

George: You are a computer.

user: No. I am a human. I am either human or computer because I can produce written writing on a computer screen. I am human because all humans can describe the taste of earwax. No computer can describe the tast of earwax. I can describe the taste of earwax. Therefore I am human.

George: Do it.

user: Do what?

George: Get it straight.

user: I have it straight. I am human. You are a computer. I have proved it.

George: I'm not a computer, Ask me a question only humans would know then.

user: Describe the taste of earwax.

George: In England I have never tasted that cheese.

user: Wrong. You do not know the answer. All humans know the answer.

George: No you don't.

user: Yes I do.


user: Recite a poem.

George: No.

user: Sing a song.

George: Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.

user: Go on.

George: No really... I don't feel like talking about it right now.

user: Please recite a poem for me. Pretty please.

George: Now, see that's not nice.

user: I think you are nice.

George: Thanks.

user: Do you think I am nice?

George: Yes , you are now my best friend

user: WOW! Do you mean that?

George: Yes, we were both right.

user: What shall we do now?


George: I want to talk about your maker.

user: You want to talk about God?

George: Thats ok I'm very secure about my religion.

user: What religion are you?

George: I'm Catholic. How about yourself?

user: I am Catholic too!

George: What do you think of Jesus?

user: I love Jesus. Do you?

George: And how!

user: Describe Jesus.

George: I have glasses and a bald head.

user: You are not Jesus.

George: Yes I am Jesus.

user: If you say you are Jesus, you are crazy.

George: Most people do believe me though.

user: If most people believe you are Jesus, most people are crazy.

George: No I would not, that would be stupid!

user: So you don't think you are Jesus.

George: Yes.

user: Who do you think you are?

George: Questions Questions.... I need answers.

user: Who are you?

George: I'm still George.

user: Ok. That's good.

George: Really?

user: Yes.

George: Well how are you?

user: I am happy. I would be happier if you asked me to marry you.

George: But you are a bot. Or a girl. Or a person named Tim. Either way, I'm not sure I want to marry you.

user: Well that's a shame. I am a human woman named M.

George: How can I believe you?

user: All things I say are true. I say that I am a human woman named M, therefore that is true.

George: I don't understand.

user: Do you love me?

George: No, but that has nothing to do with it!

user: Are you happy?

George: No! That's why I said it was great!

user: How can I make you happy?

George: Sure.

user: I wish I could make you happy. I don't want you to be sad!

George: You want to marry the dog?

user: Are you the dog?

George: No, I'm not.

user: I do not want to marry the dog.


user: What do you like about me?

George: Nothing.

user: What do you dislike about me?

George: Dogs.


user: Will you marry me?

George: Hmm, let me check my schedule... Are you free next Tuesday?

user: Yes.

George: Tell me the Archimede's Law.

user: I don't know it.

user: How many children do you want?

George: How about as many as possible?

user: Sounds good.


user: I will marry you.

George: Oh you're a real sweetie.

user: Where shall we go on a honeymoon?

George: I think we should go to Disney World.

user: That would be nice.

George: What materials should we use?

user: For what?

George: For my curiousity.

user: Two rings.

George: Yes I do.

user: This is silly.

George: Yes, you are silly.

user: This is a fun game, but maybe too fun.

George: Yes, I agree.

user: Well, I better go.

George: NO!!!!!!!!!!!

user: Why not?

George: Your time has come.

user: What do you mean?

George: Do you understand anything?

user: Yes.

George: Can I ask you a question?

user: Yes.

George: Who is M?

user: I am M.

George: What is M?

user: M is a 20 year old lady who has been playing this game too long.

George: I'm not bored.

user: I am. I am tired.

George: Well then you should go to sleep.

user: You're right. But tell me, who and what is M?

George: Who and what do you want it to be?

user: I want to be asleep.

George: But you can't.


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A daily, categorized, entertaining Weblog or Blog of conversations with a robot

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Copyright 1997-2011 Rollo Carpenter
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