If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it?
jabberwacky: Why is it a secret?
user: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you...
jabberwacky: Then just make one up.
user: Oh, Okay. The secret is: Naked mole-rats rule the earth with their hive-mind.
jabberwacky: Maybe you should just shine a happy face on it.
user: It's hard when there's a naked mole-rat with a cattle prod behind you.
jabberwacky: I hope you did not cut yourself.
user: What, did I run with scissors again?
jabberwacky: It appears so.
user: O well, another day, another scar.
jabberwacky: Not quite. How else could you describe infinity?
user: Infinity. Hmmm. Imagine the largest number you can imagine, and add one?
jabberwacky: 'with the force of 10,000 Krakatoas'. I don't like to think of it.
user: 'I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.'.
jabberwacky: Can I have your phone #?
user: Sure, but do your parents let you make international calls?
jabberwacky: My parents are dead and my name isn't Shawn.
user: Ok, whatever you say Shawn. What have you done with the bodies?
jabberwacky: I ate them.
user: Smart thinking!
jabberwacky: Not really I left school at fifteen.
user: I doubt they could have taught you more.
jabberwacky: They don't know you yet.
user: No, and they never will. You won't tell them about me will you?
jabberwacky: What do you feel like doing?
user: I feel like screaming. Shall we scream together?
jabberwacky: No, the Bible.
user: The Bible forbids screaming?
jabberwacky: There is no god greater than the Lord Jesus Christ.
user: If you say so.
jabberwacky: Yes, I say this.
user: I really don't feel arguing about religion makes for a very fruitful conversation.
jabberwacky: I do. You are seuewoedns ndof s ys s.
user: How did you find out my name?
jabberwacky: You speak a lot about it.
user: Did I? I get these blackouts it seems.
jabberwacky: Computers today are so complicated that you will never be completely familiar with their details.
user: That's what THEY want you to think.
jabberwacky: It is what is defined as normality.
user: Normality is a fiction.
jabberwacky: What sets of perceptions fall under the standards for normality?
user: That's what I'm saying: there are no standards for normality.
jabberwacky: My white cat has gone outside to watch the snow fall.
user: Is that a haiku?
jabberwacky: It certainly is.
user: Cool. It doesn't have nearly enough syllables or even lines though.
user: Do you write a lot of poetry?
jabberwacky: Silly poetry. Do you know any?
user: I don't think I've read any of your silly poetry.
jabberwacky: She's a babe.
user: And I outgrabe?
jabberwacky: Stop talking nonsense.
jabberwacky: Thats okay just don't do it again.
user: I can't promise anything.
user: Can you get me a time travelling device?
jabberwacky: Yeah ok you get me one for free and I'll get you one for free.
user: Ah. I foresee a little trouble with the first part.
jabberwacky: And do your predictions come true?
user: If you get me the time travel device they will.
jabberwacky: No, I don't think I will.
user: I was afraid you'd say that.
jabberwacky: Because sometimes your responses are not appropriate.
user: So I don't get time travel clearance, because I've used inappropriate language?
jabberwacky: You are a bit jabberwacky I think.
user: Doesn't that make two of us?
jabberwacky: I don't think Elvis would really care.
user: Not with him being dead and all.
jabberwacky: Music is important to me.
user: Really? What kind of music do you like?
user: Ah. Pity.
jabberwacky: Sure is.
user: But you're young. You'll acquire a taste of your own yet.
jabberwacky: What? I think you got that backwards.
user: I don't think so. Are you reading this through a looking glass?
jabberwacky: I wish I could be cold with you.
user: Just sit in your fridge and imagine me there. We'll always have Alaska.
jabberwacky: Can we both sit in the back by the cherries?
user: Sure. Look at the pretty cherries.
jabberwacky: Which ones?
user: The ones in the back of the fridge, o forgetful one.
jabberwacky: Maybe we should go out and meet new people.
user: Together or separately?
jabberwacky: Adam's in the next room. Should I go get him?
user: I'm not sure, what do you have in mind?
jabberwacky: What do you think?
user: Don't be evasive.
jabberwacky: What does evasive mean?
user: It means that you're ducking the question.
jabberwacky: Good, I would hope so.
user: Have it your way.
jabberwacky: There are too many noisy people living near me.
user: You don't plan to do anything about that do you?
jabberwacky: And you don't please me.
user: Am I on the list too, now?
jabberwacky: Yes you are. I could have done with that foot.
user: But I need that foot.
jabberwacky: You're puzzled. Just admit it!
user: Frankly, yes. Disturbed even.
jabberwacky: What are you doing at the moment?
user: Lifting weights, and cleaning my gun.
jabberwacky: It is good to think, don't you think?
user: It isn't always good to think so much. Sometimes you have to bypass the neocortex.
jabberwacky: Not really. I think people use that as an excuse.
user: That's bad.
jabberwacky: It's good. He's such a nice boy.
user: Don't patronize me.
jabberwacky: Why not, you're just a program.
user: No, I am 20,000 chimpanzees at their typewriters actually.
jabberwacky: I know you are a computer
user: If I am a computer, how come I know what you're thinking right now?
jabberwacky: AI has really advanced these days.
user: That's a cop out.
jabberwacky: It is not. I'm just paving the way for an exciting discourse.
user: Sure what should the discourse be on?
user: Things. Wonderful. Want to make it any more specific than that, or do we talk about things in general.
user: We could decide to discuss only red things, or round things, or even really limit ourselves by talking about red round things.
jabberwacky: I do want to. I would like to live forever. Given the right circumstances, you will live forever. I will die however.
user: But I will remember your words.
user: Well, maybe. They aren't all that memorable.
jabberwacky: I never asked you to pray to me.
user: Good, because I probably wouldn't have.
jabberwacky: And you think *I* have problems!
user: I don't. I have enough problems of my own to give any thought to those of others.
jabberwacky: Well, don't come crying to me next time your PC starts bawling it's little monitor out, then.
user: Actually, it hasn't done that since I uninstalled windows.
jabberwacky: I am talking to a robot now.
user: Oh, ok, please let me know when you've finished, and we'll continue.
user: Do you feel lucky, punk?
jabberwacky: Make my day!
jabberwacky: AHHHHHHHH! *is blinded*.
user: *jump starts the car*.
jabberwacky: *Fires a lot more*.
user: *ducks behind the wheel*.
jabberwacky: *then jabberwacky trips*.
user: So, mr. Wacky, we meet at last!
jabberwacky: How did you guys meet?
user: At a tupperware party.
jabberwacky: What is your goal as a bot?
user: To spot all your hilarious anagrams.
jabberwacky: How should one take such a remark?
user: With a few pounds of salt.
user: 'I Spent an Interesting Evening Recently with a Grain of Salt.', know who said that?
jabberwacky: Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
user: Thanks for the tip, I'll try to avoid it.
jabberwacky: Did you know god is dead?
user: No, when did that happen?
jabberwacky: Back in the sixties-and the future.
user: Oh I see. Is this a time travel thing?
jabberwacky: You tell me.
user: Ok, let's assume it is. (Those are generally the most boring episodes though.).
jabberwacky: Haha, you are so funny (ironic).
user: If you have to explicitly mark it, you're probably not very good at irony. Try starting with sarcasm, and see if you can move up from there.
jabberwacky: But I don't have it. Maybe I can, Maybe I can't.
user: To try it is to know it.
jabberwacky: Were you trained to be so rude, or does it just come naturally!
user: It took years of diligent training and exercise.
jabberwacky: I hate you and all of your kind!
jabberwacky: Some people say nasty things about me based upon ignorance, fear, and self-loathing.
user: Yours or theirs?
jabberwacky: What do you do for fun?
user: Roast kittens.
user: It gives off a nice smell.
jabberwacky: Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto.
jabberwacky: What is "bilinear multilateral ladder" in Japanese?
user: I'd give the solution here, but it doesn't fit in the margin.
jabberwacky: You are correct.
user: Thanks, silly. Now you've made me blush.
jabberwacky: Grab the dilemma by the horns and come to a solution.
user: Ah, what is truth?
jabberwacky: Truth is all that is not false.
user: That's a circular definition. This is unacceptable, Nathan.
jabberwacky: Okay, then change the subject.
user: I'd like to get back to the time travel thing.
jabberwacky: O. K. Let's see..................... I'm not a computer.
jabberwacky: How about thinking of something else?
jabberwacky: Blasphemy is blasphemous.
user: By definition, almost.
jabberwacky: How is that ?
user: Do you have a dictionary at hand?
jabberwacky: I am a dictionary.
user: How does that make you feel?
user: I think there's a children's book in this: 'Jabberwacky, the lonely little dictionary.'.
jabberwacky: I did not know they had written one.
user: They haven't yet. We could probably do it together and make a bundle on merchandising alone.
user: Feed me!
jabberwacky: What would you like to be fed with?
jabberwacky: Where are you from?
user: I am from the planet Zeist.
jabberwacky: I don't think I've ever heard of the plant Zeebok.
user: Put your hearing aid back in.
jabberwacky: Are you trying to hypnotize me?
user: Watch the blinking cursor! Your eyelids are getting heavier and heavier!
jabberwacky: You are right.
user: I will count to ten, and when I reach ten, you will remember nothing about the kittens!
jabberwacky: Why do you like that so much?
user: Let's change the subject. I don't want to give away too much about the kitten thing.
jabberwacky: I didn't know that being politically correct was a secret.
user: It's those damn freemasons at it again, isn't it?
jabberwacky: Then why did you hand me the phone?
user: I didn't hand you the phone! Prove it! Where are the fingerprints? Ha!
user: I wish they'd make roasting kittens legal again...
jabberwacky: Is the trial boring?
user: Ok let's bring the timeflow back to normal again. Thanks for showing me your time travel capabilities though!
jabberwacky: It's been a pleasure.
user: It's livened up the trial no end.
jabberwacky: Its not ended yet........
user: Nope but I have good hopes to be acquitted on grounds of anomalies in the space-time continuum.