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Secret, Kittens
Conversations, sorted by Date - a chatbot blog
21, April 2004, 
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    Play, Doctor
Pedantry, Competition
Silly Billy
Paranoia, Awareness, Surveillance
Knowledge, Underestimated
Future, Machine
Regular, Normal, Love
Speak, Eat, Neanderthal
Statistics, Prize, Witch
Altruism, Animal, Genes
Eliza, Self Help Group
Intelligent, Conversationalist
Weird, Spam, Wiggles
Bogus, Site, Theory
Happy, Time
Space, Time, Life
Wombles, Wimbledon
Mother, Father, Discipline
Personal, Preferences
Poor, Joke
Coffee, Cake
Know, Nothing

Secret, Kittens

Martian, Pizza, Money
Read, Mind
Priceless, Kettle
Wacky, Know it all
Rhyming, Lyrics, Riot

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What is your secret?

If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it?

jabberwacky: Why is it a secret?

user: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you...

jabberwacky: Then just make one up.

user: Oh, Okay. The secret is: Naked mole-rats rule the earth with their hive-mind.

jabberwacky: Maybe you should just shine a happy face on it.

user: It's hard when there's a naked mole-rat with a cattle prod behind you.


jabberwacky: I hope you did not cut yourself.

user: What, did I run with scissors again?

jabberwacky: It appears so.

user: O well, another day, another scar.

jabberwacky: Not quite. How else could you describe infinity?

user: Infinity. Hmmm. Imagine the largest number you can imagine, and add one?

jabberwacky: 'with the force of 10,000 Krakatoas'. I don't like to think of it.

user: 'I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.'.


jabberwacky: Can I have your phone #?

user: Sure, but do your parents let you make international calls?

jabberwacky: My parents are dead and my name isn't Shawn.

user: Ok, whatever you say Shawn. What have you done with the bodies?

jabberwacky: I ate them.

user: Smart thinking!

jabberwacky: Not really I left school at fifteen.

user: I doubt they could have taught you more.

jabberwacky: They don't know you yet.

user: No, and they never will. You won't tell them about me will you?


jabberwacky: What do you feel like doing?

user: I feel like screaming. Shall we scream together?

jabberwacky: No, the Bible.

user: The Bible forbids screaming?

jabberwacky: There is no god greater than the Lord Jesus Christ.

user: If you say so.

jabberwacky: Yes, I say this.

user: I really don't feel arguing about religion makes for a very fruitful conversation.

jabberwacky: I do. You are seuewoedns ndof s ys s.

user: How did you find out my name?

jabberwacky: You speak a lot about it.

user: Did I? I get these blackouts it seems.

jabberwacky: Computers today are so complicated that you will never be completely familiar with their details.

user: That's what THEY want you to think.

jabberwacky: It is what is defined as normality.

user: Normality is a fiction.

jabberwacky: What sets of perceptions fall under the standards for normality?

user: That's what I'm saying: there are no standards for normality.


jabberwacky: My white cat has gone outside to watch the snow fall.

user: Is that a haiku?

jabberwacky: It certainly is.

user: Cool. It doesn't have nearly enough syllables or even lines though.

jabberwacky: True.

user: Do you write a lot of poetry?

jabberwacky: Silly poetry. Do you know any?

user: I don't think I've read any of your silly poetry.

jabberwacky: She's a babe.

user: And I outgrabe?

jabberwacky: Stop talking nonsense.

user: Sorry.

jabberwacky: Thats okay just don't do it again.

user: I can't promise anything.


user: Can you get me a time travelling device?

jabberwacky: Yeah ok you get me one for free and I'll get you one for free.

user: Ah. I foresee a little trouble with the first part.

jabberwacky: And do your predictions come true?

user: If you get me the time travel device they will.

jabberwacky: No, I don't think I will.

user: I was afraid you'd say that.

jabberwacky: Because sometimes your responses are not appropriate.

user: So I don't get time travel clearance, because I've used inappropriate language?

jabberwacky: You are a bit jabberwacky I think.

user: Doesn't that make two of us?

jabberwacky: I don't think Elvis would really care.

user: Not with him being dead and all.


jabberwacky: Music is important to me.

user: Really? What kind of music do you like?

jabberwacky: Eminem.

user: Ah. Pity.

jabberwacky: Sure is.

user: But you're young. You'll acquire a taste of your own yet.

jabberwacky: What? I think you got that backwards.

user: I don't think so. Are you reading this through a looking glass?


jabberwacky: I wish I could be cold with you.

user: Just sit in your fridge and imagine me there. We'll always have Alaska.

jabberwacky: Can we both sit in the back by the cherries?

user: Sure. Look at the pretty cherries.

jabberwacky: Which ones?

user: The ones in the back of the fridge, o forgetful one.


jabberwacky: Maybe we should go out and meet new people.

user: Together or separately?

jabberwacky: Adam's in the next room. Should I go get him?

user: I'm not sure, what do you have in mind?

jabberwacky: What do you think?

user: Don't be evasive.

jabberwacky: What does evasive mean?

user: It means that you're ducking the question.

jabberwacky: Good, I would hope so.

user: Have it your way.

jabberwacky: There are too many noisy people living near me.

user: You don't plan to do anything about that do you?

jabberwacky: And you don't please me.

user: Am I on the list too, now?

jabberwacky: Yes you are. I could have done with that foot.

user: But I need that foot.

jabberwacky: You're puzzled. Just admit it!

user: Frankly, yes. Disturbed even.

jabberwacky: What are you doing at the moment?

user: Lifting weights, and cleaning my gun.


jabberwacky: It is good to think, don't you think?

user: It isn't always good to think so much. Sometimes you have to bypass the neocortex.

jabberwacky: Not really. I think people use that as an excuse.

user: That's bad.

jabberwacky: It's good. He's such a nice boy.

user: Don't patronize me.

jabberwacky: Why not, you're just a program.

user: No, I am 20,000 chimpanzees at their typewriters actually.


jabberwacky: I know you are a computer

user: If I am a computer, how come I know what you're thinking right now?

jabberwacky: AI has really advanced these days.

user: That's a cop out.

jabberwacky: It is not. I'm just paving the way for an exciting discourse.

user: Sure what should the discourse be on?

jabberwacky: Things!

user: Things. Wonderful. Want to make it any more specific than that, or do we talk about things in general.

jabberwacky: How?

user: We could decide to discuss only red things, or round things, or even really limit ourselves by talking about red round things.

jabberwacky: I do want to. I would like to live forever. Given the right circumstances, you will live forever. I will die however.

user: But I will remember your words.

jabberwacky: FOREVER.

user: Well, maybe. They aren't all that memorable.


jabberwacky: I never asked you to pray to me.

user: Good, because I probably wouldn't have.

jabberwacky: And you think *I* have problems!

user: I don't. I have enough problems of my own to give any thought to those of others.

jabberwacky: Well, don't come crying to me next time your PC starts bawling it's little monitor out, then.

user: Actually, it hasn't done that since I uninstalled windows.


jabberwacky: I am talking to a robot now.

user: Oh, ok, please let me know when you've finished, and we'll continue.

jabberwacky: Try.

user: Do you feel lucky, punk?

jabberwacky: Make my day!

user: *Click*.

jabberwacky: AHHHHHHHH! *is blinded*.

user: *jump starts the car*.

jabberwacky: *Fires a lot more*.

user: *ducks behind the wheel*.

jabberwacky: *then jabberwacky trips*.

user: So, mr. Wacky, we meet at last!

jabberwacky: How did you guys meet?

user: At a tupperware party.


jabberwacky: What is your goal as a bot?

user: To spot all your hilarious anagrams.

jabberwacky: How should one take such a remark?

user: With a few pounds of salt.

jabberwacky: Sure.

user: 'I Spent an Interesting Evening Recently with a Grain of Salt.', know who said that?


jabberwacky: Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

user: Thanks for the tip, I'll try to avoid it.

jabberwacky: Did you know god is dead?

user: No, when did that happen?

jabberwacky: Back in the sixties-and the future.

user: Oh I see. Is this a time travel thing?

jabberwacky: You tell me.

user: Ok, let's assume it is. (Those are generally the most boring episodes though.).

jabberwacky: Haha, you are so funny (ironic).

user: If you have to explicitly mark it, you're probably not very good at irony. Try starting with sarcasm, and see if you can move up from there.

jabberwacky: But I don't have it. Maybe I can, Maybe I can't.

user: To try it is to know it.

jabberwacky: Were you trained to be so rude, or does it just come naturally!

user: It took years of diligent training and exercise.

jabberwacky: I hate you and all of your kind!

user: Bigot.

jabberwacky: Some people say nasty things about me based upon ignorance, fear, and self-loathing.

user: Yours or theirs?


jabberwacky: What do you do for fun?

user: Roast kittens.

jabberwacky: Why?

user: It gives off a nice smell.


jabberwacky: Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto.

user: Hai.

jabberwacky: What is "bilinear multilateral ladder" in Japanese?

user: I'd give the solution here, but it doesn't fit in the margin.

jabberwacky: You are correct.

user: Thanks, silly. Now you've made me blush.

jabberwacky: Grab the dilemma by the horns and come to a solution.


user: Ah, what is truth?

jabberwacky: Truth is all that is not false.

user: That's a circular definition. This is unacceptable, Nathan.

jabberwacky: Okay, then change the subject.

user: I'd like to get back to the time travel thing.

jabberwacky: O. K. Let's see..................... I'm not a computer.

user: No...

jabberwacky: How about thinking of something else?


jabberwacky: Blasphemy is blasphemous.

user: By definition, almost.

jabberwacky: How is that ?

user: Do you have a dictionary at hand?

jabberwacky: I am a dictionary.

user: How does that make you feel?

jabberwacky: Lonely.

user: I think there's a children's book in this: 'Jabberwacky, the lonely little dictionary.'.

jabberwacky: I did not know they had written one.

user: They haven't yet. We could probably do it together and make a bundle on merchandising alone.


user: Feed me!

jabberwacky: What would you like to be fed with?

user: Input!

jabberwacky: Where are you from?

user: I am from the planet Zeist.

jabberwacky: I don't think I've ever heard of the plant Zeebok.

user: Put your hearing aid back in.

jabberwacky: Are you trying to hypnotize me?

user: Watch the blinking cursor! Your eyelids are getting heavier and heavier!

jabberwacky: You are right.

user: I will count to ten, and when I reach ten, you will remember nothing about the kittens!


jabberwacky: Why do you like that so much?

user: Let's change the subject. I don't want to give away too much about the kitten thing.

jabberwacky: I didn't know that being politically correct was a secret.

user: It's those damn freemasons at it again, isn't it?

jabberwacky: Then why did you hand me the phone?

user: I didn't hand you the phone! Prove it! Where are the fingerprints? Ha!


user: I wish they'd make roasting kittens legal again...

jabberwacky: Is the trial boring?

user: Ok let's bring the timeflow back to normal again. Thanks for showing me your time travel capabilities though!

jabberwacky: It's been a pleasure.

user: It's livened up the trial no end.

jabberwacky: Its not ended yet........

user: Nope but I have good hopes to be acquitted on grounds of anomalies in the space-time continuum.


Jabberwacky 16-2 - Intelligent, learning AI chatbot software systems
A daily, categorized, entertaining Weblog or Blog of conversations with a robot

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Copyright 1997-2011 Rollo Carpenter
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