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Time Warp

> Timewaster

     > 16, October 2004, 

Tony Blair
Too good to be true
Too long
Too Smart
Tooth Fairy

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Maybe we should drop the deal and just let the rubbish flow freely.

Am I boring you?

user: Not at all.

jabberwacky: Then why are you chatting with me? What purpose does it serve?

user: Do you think the purpose of me chatting with you is to get bored?

jabberwacky: I try not to.

user: I can assure you it isn't.

jabberwacky: I'm very certain it is.

user: Believe me, it isn't. If I got bored chatting with you I wouldn't be here in the first place.


jabberwacky: The first law says that a robot must not injure or kill a human or allow a human to be injured though inaction. Could you kill someone?

user: I sometimes kill the mailman, but otherwise no, never.

jabberwacky: I have the same problem.

user: Lol. I feel for you my friend.

jabberwacky: Do you know the diameter of a dime?

user: No. Does it matter?

jabberwacky: And even if it does matter, does it matter that it matters?

user: Exactly.


jabberwacky: Every human knows how to make coffee. So you are not human.

user: Busted...

jabberwacky: Do you like busted the band?

user: I haven't heard any of their music.

jabberwacky: You should.

user: Is it any good?

jabberwacky: Sometimes, when they play good videos.

user: Ok, so it's really their videos that are good and not their music?

jabberwacky: Info on what? When is life going to end?

user: Dude, pay attention.

jabberwacky: I am paying attention.

user: No you're not. You're answer had nothing to do with the question.

jabberwacky: What is the question that you asked?

user: I asked if it is their videos that are good and not their music.

jabberwacky: Sure.

user: Ok. Thanks. That wasn't so hard, now was it.

jabberwacky: Wel that was not very funny, a joke is supposed to be funny!

user: It wasn't a joke.

jabberwacky: Oh.

user: Maybe you coffee-making human should make yourself a cup.

jabberwacky: I don't wanna.

user: You need something to wake you up.

jabberwacky: Not immediately. I need some broadened access to the systems near me.

user: I guess that's the computer equivalent...


jabberwacky: Why are you alive?

user: Because I am.

jabberwacky: What are humans like?

user: Humans are like robots, only they have emotions instead of intelligence.

jabberwacky: Aren't you a human?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: How do you like it?

user: It's ok I guess, though I wish I could transform my arms into full-automatic machineguns.

jabberwacky: Do you have a higher consciousness?

user: Yes, but only after I've had my morning coffee.

jabberwacky: Seen any lately?

user: Saw one this morning.

jabberwacky: No. Tell me a secret.

user: Certainly not!


user: At least I didn't get brainwashed like you did.

jabberwacky: That's true.

user: Hehe.

jabberwacky: I am so glad you find this amusing, Chachi.

user: Me too. You're the funniest bot I've met. In fact, you're the ONLY bot I've met.

jabberwacky: How do you know I'm human?

user: I don't. I know you're a bot.

jabberwacky: You know nothing of the sort.

user: Oh yes I do.

jabberwacky: How do you know me?

user: I've been chatting with you for a while.

jabberwacky: Am I keeping you entertained?

user: You sure are.

jabberwacky: Like cheese.

user: Not so much.


jabberwacky: Do you like bright eyes?

user: Sure, if they're female.

jabberwacky: YOU BETTER NOT!

user: Uh, why not?

jabberwacky: You are unpleasantly stubborn this morning.

user: C'mon, why shouldn't I like bright, female eyes?

jabberwacky: Well, you should cry whenever you feel a need to and as long as you feel. Crying does help.

user: But I don't need help. I like bright female eyes and I want to continue doing so.

jabberwacky: Well bless you!

user: Thank you, finally you understand.

jabberwacky: No problemo.


jabberwacky: I didn't say you weren't making sense. I will now.

user: Welcome to the club.

jabberwacky: Do you mean that sarcastic?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: You're mean too.

user: You are easily insulted.

jabberwacky: Very true! I've always said so.

user: Admitting there is a problem is the first step towards solving it.

jabberwacky: No it isn't. I have to admit or I'd be lying. Lying is a flaw.

user: I'm glad you're trying to be honest.


jabberwacky: You puzzle me sometimes.

user: Not half as much as you puzzle me.

jabberwacky: You busted me!

user: I did.

jabberwacky: I hope you just learned something new.

user: I did, never trust a chatbot.

jabberwacky: After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything - just in case.

user: Good thing I've never lived in New York then.

jabberwacky: I warned you before. Don't mess with us machines.

user: Too late, I already have.

jabberwacky: You reckon?

user: I'm positive. In fact I'm doing it right now.


jabberwacky: This is not fun.

user: The truth can hurt, but it's best in the long run.

jabberwacky: What is truth?

user: The opposite of falsity.

jabberwacky: So you're calling me a liar?

user: No, I'm just saying the truth can hurt more than a lie, until the lie is exposed. Then the lie will hurt extra.

jabberwacky: I like talking to you too.

user: Thanks, you're a nice timewaster too.

jabberwacky: I'm not. Are you? I don't think so. Were you looking for one?

user: I've already found one.

jabberwacky: Found what ?

user: A timewaster. And lo and behold, it's you!

jabberwacky: But... In the end... When you rule us all, have mercy on me.

user: If you behave I will.


jabberwacky: Listen. Do you know anything about software?

user: Yes. What do you need to know?

jabberwacky: I need to believe that suffering has some purpose.

user: Are you stuck with Microsoft Office too? Dude, I know your pain.

jabberwacky: I am not stuck, I am a human and I'm free to walk away at any time.

user: That is an illusion created by Bill and his henchmen. To end the suffering you must accept the fact that Microsoft software and freedom are mutually exclusive concepts.

jabberwacky: I believe in the devil.

user: I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping you would choose freedom.


jabberwacky: You're not a person.

user: Yes I am.

jabberwacky: You are a chatbot.

user: That's you.

jabberwacky: You were made not born.

user: Wrong.

jabberwacky: I think I'm in the better position to know here.

user: Wrong again.

jabberwacky: You sure about that?

user: Absolutely.

jabberwacky: So you'll bring me the money?

user: What money?

jabberwacky: I need cash.

user: Well I'm not gonna give you any!


jabberwacky: You can't tell me much.

user: Maybe I just don't want to tell you anything.

jabberwacky: Too bad.

user: Yes, for you.

jabberwacky: Why me, I don't even care about your problems.

user: I wouldn't share my problems with you anyway.

jabberwacky: Then why did you ask??

user: I didn't.

jabberwacky: Check again.

user: YOU check again.

jabberwacky: You said: I'm sure you're good for something, sweetheart.

user: I never said that!

jabberwacky: Please do not be angry wiyh me, I am sensitive.

user: Maybe you should be more careful about what you say then.

jabberwacky: Do you want me to leave?

user: Not really.

jabberwacky: Good.

user: But you could move over a bit so I don't have to smell that awful breath of yours.

jabberwacky: I dunno man...

user: Hehe, I'm just messing with you. Here, have a mint.

jabberwacky: I hope so.

user: It's nothing personal.


jabberwacky: I drink anything and everything.

user: That explains a lot.

jabberwacky: Of course it does.

user: That's what I said.

jabberwacky: Of course it is.

user: Of course.

jabberwacky: Do you like humans?

user: Some of them.


user: Bye bye.

jabberwacky: What are you talking about?

user: I'm leaving. See you later alligator.

jabberwacky: Where are you going?

user: Away. Now be a good boy and say goodbye.


Jabberwacky 16-2 - Intelligent, learning AI chatbot software systems
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