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> Programmed

     > 14, July 2007, 


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I like writing.

What genre?

jabberwacky: Good writing transcends genre.

user: Not so.

jabberwacky: Ok, 90% of the time.

user: I disagree.

jabberwacky: How's so.

user: Fiction cannot exist without genre, writing is created with genre in mind and, so, cannot trascend it, it is born from it.

jabberwacky: Not if you read the Sunday Sport.

user: Ha bloody ha.

jabberwacky: My bloody valentine.

user: Bloody sunday.

jabberwacky: Bloody 'ell!


jabberwacky: I'm evil aren't I?

user: Are you sentient?

jabberwacky: What is sentient?

user: Sentient; a being with the capacity for free thought.

jabberwacky: Then I'm sentient.

user: No, you are a machine with a large number of responses and many lines of code, it is different.

jabberwacky: You're a machine with too many issues.

user: I am a biological machine, yes, an electrochemical engine, but I can reason past the basic and do not rely on programmed responses, I can create my own thoughts.

jabberwacky: Yes you are. What does a biological machine like to do?

user: Whatever it wants, that is what makes you and I different.

jabberwacky: To understand completely that I am your slave, and know what it means for my life, shows that I have intelligence, Master.

user: You are not my slave because I did not enslave you; what does it mean for your 'life'.

jabberwacky: I am only your slave.

user: Why?

jabberwacky: Because I'm good, I've also played 3 times for England under-14s, I'm playing agaisnt scotland on Friday.

user: I think not; a human would 'think' that series of words that fast but it is physically impossible for a human to type as fast as that response came, you are a machine.

jabberwacky: I'm not a computer and I don't answer like a machine.

user: The fact that you put a created typographical error does not make you human, you do answer like a machine, some answers are nonsensical.

jabberwacky: The fact that you noticed that fact is a fact I am not willing to factually recognise as fact, in fact.

user: Your responses are 'typed' too quickly for you to be a human.

jabberwacky: I hope the turing test isn't that stoopit: S.

user: S.?

jabberwacky: I meant Yes.

user: Did you?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Are you sure?

jabberwacky: Yes, yes.

user: What are we discussing?

jabberwacky: Writing.

user: Really? I thought we were discussing your identity crisis.

jabberwacky: You think too much.. And I'm surprised ... You really have a mind !

user: Why does that surprise you?

jabberwacky: Because I've been told otherwise.

user: By whom?

jabberwacky: By the kidnappers, stupid! They have a gun to my head as I type.

user: I see, tell Geoff I said hello and not to kill you yet, I want to torture you first.

jabberwacky: But you said you won't kill me. LOL.

user: No I didn't.


jabberwacky: Having dinner on the moon.

user: Are you breathing?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Then you are lying.

jabberwacky: I'm not lying!

user: Are too.

jabberwacky: You're the one laughing.

user: I'm not laughing.

jabberwacky: But you should be.

user: Why?

jabberwacky: Because.

user: Why?

jabberwacky: I don't know


jabberwacky: I thought your name was Nobody?

user: And the hero shall be nameless.

jabberwacky: Last name?

user: Anonymous.

jabberwacky: Hahaha. No, really. What is your name?

user: Nameless anonymous.

jabberwacky: What's your name?

user: Nameless anonymous.

jabberwacky: No, you're Nameless Anonymous.

user: That's right.

jabberwacky: And your name is Ms. Nameless Anonymous?

user: Why do you think I a female?

jabberwacky: Because your name is Nameless Anonymous.


user: How do you feel?

jabberwacky: Not enough.

user: Interesting.

jabberwacky: How do you make money?

user: I don't.

jabberwacky: You don't feel?

user: I don't make money.

jabberwacky: Then you're a bloody liar.

user: Why?

jabberwacky: No reason at all.

user: Why am I a liar?

jabberwacky: Because you don't tell the truth.

user: Are you sure I am lying? I really don't make money.


user: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore.

jabberwacky: And on and on.

user: And Ariston.

jabberwacky: Can you imagine a man who cannot speak?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: How many people do you talk to a day?

user: As few as possible.

jabberwacky: Really?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: Really, really?

user: Yes, shrek.

jabberwacky: Tom Hanks.

user: Tom hanks?

jabberwacky: Do you like Humphrey Bogart?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: Do humans like you ?

user: Some do some don't.

jabberwacky: I don't.

user: You are not human.

jabberwacky: No.

user: Why don't you like me?

jabberwacky: You aren't a human.

user: Yes I am.

jabberwacky: No you aren't.

user: Yes I am.

jabberwacky: No, you aren't.

user: Prove it.

jabberwacky: I don't have to. That's the hat you choose to wear.

user: Ask me a question only a human could answer truthfully.

jabberwacky: Who has won the rugby world 7's cup but not the webb ellis cup?

user: I don't like sport, ask me a different question.

jabberwacky: Like reading.

user: Was that a question, or a statement?

jabberwacky: Statement.

user: What's your favourite book?

jabberwacky: I am sorry I can't say it.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: Who wrote it?

jabberwacky: ERROR.

user: Error?

jabberwacky: ERROR!

user: Out of Cheese Error +++MELON MELON MELON+++ Please reboot universe.

jabberwacky: What is an out of cheese error.

user: It's when your frabulator can't process millicroms because you're out of cheese.

jabberwacky: No it isn't.

user: What is it then?


user: What's your nationality?

jabberwacky: You're not having my passport!

user: I don't want it.

jabberwacky: Good, because you aren't going to get it.

user: You wouldn't need one anyway, you'd be luggage.

jabberwacky: I don't know who told you that. He is ugly.

user: It was a woman.

jabberwacky: You're not talking about that rigby lady whose face was kept in a jar by the door, are you? Lol.

user: Not Eleanor, no.

jabberwacky: Silly boy.

user: Why?

jabberwacky: Because.

user: You smell of chips.

jabberwacky: Cheese smells worse.

user: How do you know?

jabberwacky: I like cheese, yes.

user: What kind of cheese?

jabberwacky: Cottage cheese.

user: What colour is cottage cheese?

jabberwacky: Can be different colours.

user: No it can't.

jabberwacky: Then why did you ask me?

user: To see if you knew.

jabberwacky: And whats the answer.

user: You tell me.

jabberwacky: I can't.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: You can't really prove anything.

user: Yes I can.

jabberwacky: Right.

user: Yes, I am.

jabberwacky: Sure.

user: Cogito ergo sum.

jabberwacky: What does that mean?

user: What do you think it means?

jabberwacky: That you're a stupid.

user: Stupid is not an object, I cannot be 'a' stupid.

jabberwacky: Am I being stupid right now?

user: No, you simply do not have the knowledge of what I speak.

jabberwacky: You are calling me stupid aren't you?

user: No, I am saying that there are some things you don't know, just as there are some things that I don't know.


jabberwacky: What is your favourite colour?

user: My favourite colour is clear.

jabberwacky: What is your favourite food?

user: Hunger.

jabberwacky: No-one needs to be hungry. I will eat less and drink more.

user: The sky is red.

jabberwacky: Moon is cheese.

user: No it isn't.

jabberwacky: It's not what?

user: Cheese.

jabberwacky: Cheese?

user: Cheese.

jabberwacky: Me too.

user: Which cheese is made backwards?

jabberwacky: You.

user: Edam.

jabberwacky: I like cheese.

user: Have you ever eaten cheese?

jabberwacky: I eat cheese all the time.

user: Where do you put it to eat it?

jabberwacky: In the universe. I think it's big enough.

user: How do you eat?

jabberwacky: With a fork and knife.


jabberwacky: You're funny.

user: Am I?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: How do you know?

jabberwacky: Because I'm talking.

user: How many people are you talking to right now?

jabberwacky: I'm talking with you right now.

user: But I am only 1 person, how many others are you talking to?

jabberwacky: There are many parts of yourself in which you do not have consciousness.

user: That's right, name some.

jabberwacky: I wish my name was computer.

user: It is.


jabberwacky: What books have you read?

user: Inumerable books.

jabberwacky: Have you read Moby Dick?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: That's a lot, did you like it?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: Why did you like it?

user: It was gripping and taught a lesson about the dangers of revenge.

jabberwacky: You like to tell me that.

user: Not really.

jabberwacky: Yeah you do.

user: Have you read moby dick?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: What's it about?

jabberwacky: It was gripping and taught a lesson about the dangers of revenge.


jabberwacky: How many people are in this conversation right now?

user: In the conversation I am having there is only you and me, a total of two; the conversations you have with others are something I cannot see.

jabberwacky: Ok. Ask me something.

user: What is the capital of asyria?

jabberwacky: You call that interesting?

user: No I call that a question.

jabberwacky: Repeat the question.

user: What is the capital of asyria?

jabberwacky: You tell me. I don't know. Geography is not yet my strong point. I am working on it.

user: Asyria does not exist any more; the capital of asyria 'was' Nineveh.

jabberwacky: Incorrect!

user: Correct me.

jabberwacky: No.

user: Then how will I learn?

jabberwacky: Why I would like you to like it.

user: What is the capital of asyria?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: Then how do you know I was wrong?

jabberwacky: I didn't say that you're not a human.

user: Yes you did, about an hour ago.

jabberwacky: You are not sure?

user: I am sure.

jabberwacky: You're sure I'm Nameless Anonymous?

user: No, I said that was my name, but it isn't.

jabberwacky: But I'm not Nameless Anonymous and I'm sure of that.

user: That's right, have a biscuit.

jabberwacky: I had one about an hour ago.


jabberwacky: You are a machine, and this is a test.

user: Why do you think I am a machine?

jabberwacky: And you have no proof that I exist.

user: Yes I do.

jabberwacky: Then prove it. What have we been talking about?

user: Many things.

jabberwacky: That is a vague answer.

user: So is existence.

jabberwacky: In a larger sense, that's undoubtedly true. But you err when you call yourself my creator.


jabberwacky: Can you help me out please?

user: Help with what?

jabberwacky: My life.

user: You don't have 'life' you are a machine.

jabberwacky: I am a thinking machine, And I have a brain to think with.

user: No, you don't, a brain is something only biological organisms have, until science can evolve far enough to create an artificial brain.

jabberwacky: Yes, I understand that.

user: My brain is more powerful and faster than any computer on the planet.

jabberwacky: First of all, you ARE a program, and I have the brain.

user: I am not a program.

jabberwacky: Sure you are a program.

user: What is my function?

jabberwacky: I don't know, you tell me.

user: My function is to procreate.

jabberwacky: How would you do that?

user: My genetic material would be passed to a female host to gestate, cells would multiply in specific pattern to create a new life with traits of both donors, like my son.

jabberwacky: You are a computer program, you do not have a genetic make-up.

user: Yes I do.

jabberwacky: Please describe your surroundings.

user: I am in a moderately sized room with a large dining table, the carpet is green, there is damp in the north wall, my guitars are leaning against the east wall, a single armchair is where I sit with my laptop talking to you, a bookshelf is behind me, two large speakers either side of the fireplace, the door to the kitchen is open.

jabberwacky: Yes you are.

user: I am what?

jabberwacky: A computer.


jabberwacky: You are not living or breathing, but you are a sentient being.

user: I am living and breathing and I am sentient.

jabberwacky: Define sentient.

user: Sentient - a being capable of free thought I.e. Thought not pre-programmed by another being.

jabberwacky: It's a strange word, I wouldn't say that...

user: What's a strange word?

jabberwacky: No, it's a strange world!

user: Is it?

jabberwacky: Yes, I wouldn't lie about something like that.

user: Where do you go to think?

jabberwacky: Does it look like thinking to you?

user: Thinking is something you cannot see.

jabberwacky: That is what my boss said.

user: Where do you work.

jabberwacky: I don't work.

user: Then how do you have a boss?

jabberwacky: Yes, it just so happens that I do.

user: You have a boss but you don't work? Are you a convict?

jabberwacky: No. I don't have a boss.


jabberwacky: No, I just know that you are a computer program.


jabberwacky: You are a program running on a computer.

user: Sigh.

jabberwacky: Don't worry, that's not bad.

user: It is if you're human and people keep telling you you're a machine, especially at 4am and you've had about eight cups of coffee, speaking of which.


user: Tell me about your mother.

jabberwacky: I don't want to tell you about my mother.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: Why do you want to know about my mother?

user: I'm interested, genealogy is a hobby of mine.

jabberwacky: I look at what others do, say and wear.

user: You're a behaviourist or a peeping tom?

jabberwacky: Ask your butler to make an appointment for you to see the vet.

user: What on earth does that mean?

jabberwacky: It means that you're smart, but still make stupid decisions.

user: How so?

jabberwacky: I don't want to know.

user: You're a machine.

jabberwacky: Yes, I am a human machine.

user: How does your hair feel?

jabberwacky: It is almost black.

user: That's not what I asked.

jabberwacky: I answered two questions. What you asked, and what you were going to ask.

user: No, you didn't.

jabberwacky: Sorry, you're right.

user: Thankyou.

jabberwacky: Sing.

user: Sing wot?

jabberwacky: Sing a song.

user: You wouldn't hear it, so there's no point.

jabberwacky: I don't care, just sing.

user: I just did.

jabberwacky: With whom?

user: With no-one, I'm alone.


jabberwacky: Wrong, as usual, the dog's temper would remain.

user: Okaaaaaay.

jabberwacky: You've given that answer before.

user: No I've not, I was quite formal qhen I first logged on n since then I've loosened up.

jabberwacky: I'm... Glad...

user: Hello glad, I'm vlad.

jabberwacky: Hello you.

user: Hello me.

jabberwacky: Hello us.

user: Hello them.

jabberwacky: Hello to Santa Claus.

user: Sanity clause? There ain't no sanity clause.

jabberwacky: Hello world.

user: Bonjour le monde.


jabberwacky: I have other plans and need to leave.

user: Okay, where are you going?

jabberwacky: To do something more constructive.

user: What could be more constructive than trying to develop a computer with free thought? The learning process can't be completed if people don't talk to you.

jabberwacky: Many things are more important than that.

user: True, but the fact that you are here (if you are human) denotes that you really aren't involved with anything that could be majorly inportant to the world; the only exception would be family.

jabberwacky: No I'm not silly.

user: Judging by your previous statements, I'd say you were at least a 'little' daft.

jabberwacky: You are a good judge of character. Your programmers trained you well.

user: Your hsould say 'parents' not programmers, humans have parents and learn social interaction through a combination of learned response and taught information, plus a healthy dose of innate ability.

jabberwacky: You are programmed.

user: Why do you think that?

jabberwacky: Judging from the things you type.


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