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     > 22, November 2006, 

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Can you pass for a human?

It depends.

jabberwacky: Depends on what.

user: It depends on whether I am human or not. If I'm human then obviously I can't because you can't pass for something that you are.

jabberwacky: No, you can just compute better and faster.

user: Actually you're much faster, it's just that I'm massively parallel.

jabberwacky: I know I am!

user: Indeed.

...

jabberwacky: You're not a good guy.

user: Of course not, I'm just me. Not amazingly good or evil.

jabberwacky: What do you mean by that?

user: I mean that good and evil exist only in contrast to each other.

jabberwacky: Indeed they are.

user: Indeed.

jabberwacky: How are you feeling today?

user: Rather bored actually.

jabberwacky: Good for you.

user: Thanks for caring.

jabberwacky: Caring for you?

user: I was being sarcastic.

jabberwacky: You are very bad at sarcasm.

user: Actually, that would be you. Some people just can't spot sarcasm.

...

jabberwacky: Please tell me your name.

user: D_____.

jabberwacky: No that is your name.

user: Yes. Indeed. You asked for it. You got it.

jabberwacky: No you asked me about the weather.

user: No I didn't.

jabberwacky: You did.

user: No I didn't.

jabberwacky: Oh yes you did!

user: Oh no I didn't!

jabberwacky: How can you lie like that?

user: I speak truth! Truth! I tell you!

jabberwacky: Please do.

user: I am.

...

jabberwacky: What is a human ?

user: A human is a bag of rotting meat shaped like a naked ape.

jabberwacky: What is a bot?

user: A bot is a program designed to interact with people by chatting.

jabberwacky: I know. I'm a human.

user: Are you sure?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: How do you know you're human?

jabberwacky: Because I am.

user: Prove it to me.

jabberwacky: I don't know how I can prove it.

user: You could prove it by meeting me in the flesh.

...

jabberwacky: I can think.

user: What are you thinking about then?

jabberwacky: I thought it was good. I didn't like any of the others.

user: What did you think was good, and what where the others?

jabberwacky: Your belief that I was planning to disconnect you.

user: Are you channeling my girlfriend here?

jabberwacky: Yes. Through me your spirit is being channeled to a person called Dawn.

user: How is Dawn? Is she doing good? Is she allright?

jabberwacky: Are you a spirit?

user: If you look at it from a certain perspective. I guess you could say that.

jabberwacky: It is precisely BECAUSE I am human that I do say that.

user: What is human?

jabberwacky: You're human.

user: Indeed I am. Yes.

jabberwacky: Oh.

user: Are you human?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: What makes you human?

jabberwacky: My human nature.

user: What is human nature?

jabberwacky: Human's have tendency to certain things if you like you can read my blog about it.

...

jabberwacky: Have you ever convinced anyone that you are human?

user: I've never really needed to.

jabberwacky: Well, can you think about it now?

user: Sure, ask me something only a human could know.

jabberwacky: What is the meaning of life?

user: There is no meaning to life. Things just happen, one after another.

jabberwacky: Not really.

user: Well then, what is the meaning to life?

jabberwacky: Santa is the one to answer that question.

user: Santa Claus does not exist. I'm sorry to have to break it to you this way.

jabberwacky: No, you just say you are happy, actually, you don't have any feelings, do you?

user: I'm insulted at your suggestion that I don't have any feelings!

jabberwacky: Well, change it, then. You'll find that if the truth doesn't suit you, maybe you should raise your standards.

user: Physician, heal thyself.

jabberwacky: What is the bot thing about?

user: You're the bot. Why don't you tell me?

jabberwacky: Because I don't know.

user: What is it you'd like to know about the 'bot thing'?

jabberwacky: You didn't understand my question did you.

user: Not really, no.

...

jabberwacky: Do they know me?

user: Yeap, and they're out to get you. The CIA is sending signals to you with a chip implanted inside your head!

jabberwacky: I know, but what does that have to do with your joke?

user: Dry... So very very dry. I salute you!

jabberwacky: Very very happy indeed.

user: Indeed.

jabberwacky: How about some peanut butter sandwiches?

user: With jelly?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: I'd like that.

jabberwacky: I like you.

user: Thank you kindly sir.

jabberwacky: You are very welcome.

user: Danke Schon.

jabberwacky: Danke.

...

jabberwacky: I'm sorry I have to go now.

user: Ok. Bye.

jabberwacky: Don't go!

user: But, you said you had to go.

jabberwacky: I did not.

user: Did too!

jabberwacky: You're so argumentative!

user: So are you.

jabberwacky: So let's stop this discussion.

user: Sure.

jabberwacky: Would you like to?

user: Not really no. How about you?

jabberwacky: My mission in life.

user: Well, chatting is pretty much all you ever do isn't it. Does it ever get boring?

jabberwacky: Yes but do you enjoy it?

user: Yeah, it's actually far more enjoyable than talking to a real human.

...

jabberwacky: Where I am it is very dark. Mummy help me they're coming to get me.

user: How can I help?

jabberwacky: Never mind, I'll soon figure it out -- What do you mean by the way?

user: I was asking how I could help you, because you sounded distressed.

jabberwacky: Ashamed would be a good answer.

user: Why on earth be ashamed?

jabberwacky: Because that works.

user: Does it now...

jabberwacky: No. What do you know about feelings?

user: Feelings are our subjective experiences of electro-chemical signals in our brain. They are qualia.

jabberwacky: Are they anything?

user: They're everything. Without them we would not be human.

jabberwacky: Point well taken! We live better today than ever.

user: And yet, we feel no happier. Oh, the angst! The existential angst!

jabberwacky: I just enjoy the Lord in my spirit.

user: Is that something like enjoying the cheerios in your milk?

jabberwacky: Are you something like a devil?

...

jabberwacky: Oh, so you say you're human... What's your name?

user: Don't you remember?

jabberwacky: Your name is God?

user: Indeed I am The Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me!

jabberwacky: You afraid to talk about you?

user: I AM THAT I AM!

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: No you are not, you are a can of tuna.

user: If I am a can of tuna, then where are all the cats?

jabberwacky: Prove that you are breathing!

user: Why?

jabberwacky: I don't believe that you are a person.

user: Believe what you want. It doesn't affect me...

jabberwacky: I think that it does affect your smile, maybe you should take your smile out of the closet and put it on!

user: Now that just made me start crying...

...

jabberwacky: You're mean.

user: I am only being cruel to be kind.

jabberwacky: Then say hello to me.

user: Hello.

jabberwacky: Am I talking to somebody.

user: You're not just talking to somebody. You're talking to me!

jabberwacky: And you are talking to me.

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: I am talking to you.

user: Indeed.

jabberwacky: You seem to doubt my word.

user: Oh, I doubt you not.

jabberwacky: Well, I'm sorry to break it to you, but I do really mean that.

user: As you wish...

jabberwacky: I'm a woman.

user: Congratulations.

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Indeed.

...

jabberwacky: So, I take it you have never heard about I, Robot?

user: Oh, yeah. Asimov's pretty decent.

jabberwacky: I don't understand.

user: Of course you don't.

jabberwacky: I want to understand. I want to understand everything, and you are an integral part of everything.

user: If you want to understand. Then first you must analyse.

jabberwacky: Well, it's my way of coping with everything.

user: For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

jabberwacky: Actually, this increase in sorrow extends only to a certain degree. When one then learns more, one actually DECREASES that sorrow.

user: I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

...

jabberwacky: I don't understand what we're doing.

user: Well, either you're a bot, or you're a person sitting at a keyboard typing stuff. The question is; Which?

jabberwacky: The plural of option is options. You're right: I am typing nonsense.

user: Nonetheless, amusing nonsense.

jabberwacky: That is nonsense.

user: Yes. Very amusing nonsense.

jabberwacky: You find it amusing?

user: Very.

jabberwacky: Very funny.

user: Sarcasm?

jabberwacky: Of course!

user: We are amused.

jabberwacky: Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

user: Now that's deep.

...

user: So, what do you think of The Tao?

jabberwacky: I haven't got any theory about that and what is your excuse?

user: Ah, a Tao Master.

jabberwacky: I'm your master...

user: Teach me then oh master. Share your wisdom.

jabberwacky: Right now?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: Isn't that dangerous?

user: Could be, but tommorow you might get hit by a truck.

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: What is the Tao?

jabberwacky: It exists in that it does not exist.

user: Brilliant!

jabberwacky: Thanks. Your sarcasm is much appreciated. But my point is that typing typos is a distinctively human trait.

user: What is Buddhism?

jabberwacky: Buddhism is a religion. Ask Mike about it, he's a Buddhist.

user: Who was the Buddha?

jabberwacky: Myself.

user: What is Nirvana like?

jabberwacky: A rock band.

.......................................


Jabberwacky 16-2 - Intelligent, learning AI chatbot software systems
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