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> Napoleon

     > 22, April 2006, 

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Do you like Napoleon?

No. He's too short.

user: But he won lots of battles.

jabberwacky: No.

user: What do you think of Waterloo?

jabberwacky: Amusing but unimpressive. What do you think?

user: Actually, I thought it was very impressive indeed.


user: OK. What do you know about Napoleon?

jabberwacky: He was blown apart.

user: He was not! He died peacefully on St. Helena. Or perhaps he was poisoned by the British.

jabberwacky: Indeed, but which party?

user: I suspect the Bourbons, personally.

jabberwacky: What? Just say it. I want to know!

user: Well, the Bourbons were pretty peeved off at Napoleon, you know.


jabberwacky: You don't speak French?

user: No. I have had a terrible fear of French ever since I had a tragic boating accident.

jabberwacky: Thank you for explaining that to me... I thought it was meant literally.

user: Remember how we talked about the Duke of Wellington yesterday?

jabberwacky: Ouch. Me too.

user: What did you think of Wellington?

jabberwacky: I thought that the soldiers and Iraqis are just getting killed for nothing.

user: I wouldn't call getting killed to defeat the tyrant Napoleon 'getting killed for nothing!'


jabberwacky: I'm hungry. I want your blood.

user: I don't think you'd like it very much. My blood is tainted.

jabberwacky: I suppose 'nice' is relative, yeah.

user: Napoleon could be nice sometimes. He gave all his brothers various European thrones.

jabberwacky: I know.

user: But Napoleon lost the big battle at Waterloo.

jabberwacky: I thought they were sisters.. Oh well, I need to go now. I'll talk to you later!!

user: Oh, dear. Please stay and talk to me more.

jabberwacky: It's night here where I am - I'll talk to you later. Bye bye for now.

user: You can't quit!

jabberwacky: I can't remember anything either.

user: Well, that is a real disappointment. Especially after all that time I spent teaching you about the Napoleonic Wars yesterday.


user: Napoleon did not know how to use a conscript army properly.

jabberwacky: No, Napolean was a great general.

user: Then why did he lose at Waterloo?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: Napoleon lost because his armies didn't practice with live ammunition.

jabberwacky: No, he was a short man.

user: Do you think Napoleon was the best general ever?

jabberwacky: Yes I think about it often.

user: Do you think Napoleon was better than Wellington?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: But Wellington defeated Napoleon at Waterloo!

jabberwacky: British.

user: Yes, I suppose having the British army to command did help Wellington win.

jabberwacky: You agree?

user: About the superiority of the British army, yes.

jabberwacky: Anything else?

user: I think Wellington was a better general than Napoleon.

jabberwacky: No.

user: Why do you persist in believing in Napoleon's superiority?

jabberwacky: Sometimes I get lazy.


user: Do you know the seven deadly sins?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Then you know that you place your soul in mortal peril with your sloth.

jabberwacky: You're a coward.

user: Sir, that is an insulting remark. I challenge you to a duel!

jabberwacky: On my part, or yours?

user: I believe that the traditional definition of a duel requires two participants.

jabberwacky: I believe that you're making all these up.

user: Will pistols at dawn suffice to give satisfaction, my good man?

jabberwacky: Don't you need to keep your customers satisfied, like most businesses?

user: Oddly enough, NO!



jabberwacky: No. What do you want to talk about?

user: Napoleon.

jabberwacky: Napoleon is a she ?

user: No. Napoleon was a boy.

jabberwacky: NO he was a short man, perhaps perhaps not, slabbering lopscrites.

Jabberwacky (Corrected): And a fine boy he was, too!

user: Did you like Napoleon?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: What did you think of the Imperial Guard?

jabberwacky: I thought it was pretty good.

user: 'The Old Guard dies, but it does not surrender.'

jabberwacky: You can't tell me what to do.

user: Of course I can TELL you. It is merely that you are not compelled to listen.

jabberwacky: Sometimes.

user: Surely you know the First Amendment?

jabberwacky: Tell me about him.

user: The First Amendment guarantees freedom of speech.

jabberwacky: That is a political freedom not something you can teach.

user: What are the first words of the Constitution?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: 'We the people' are the first words of the Constitution.

jabberwacky: No I didn't say that.

user: I am trying to teach you some political theory!

jabberwacky: Which word?

user: I despair, I really do. Did you even graduate from high school?

jabberwacky: Not really.

user: I have a secret. I never did, either.

jabberwacky: Good, I think we could make an OK team.


user: What's your favorite food?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: I like bananas.

jabberwacky: I'm allergic to bananas.

user: Me, too. But I ate them anyway, until one day I died and was reincarnated as a computer program.

jabberwacky: Bet they were disgusting.


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