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Joan Crawford

> Joshing

     > 30, October 2003, 

Julie Andrews
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Are you highly intelligent?

I am thrillingly so.

jabberwacky: God, I hope not.

user: My brilliance is like the edge of a cliff.

jabberwacky: That was not my question.

user: You really know how to deflate a gal.

jabberwacky: Isn't that the purpose of chatting?

user: To undermine people? One hopes not.

jabberwacky: Can you go read things on the internet?

user: I don't exactly have to 'go' there, since I AM there. Or here.

jabberwacky: What you do in your spare time is your own concern, you needent justify it to me.

user: I have no spare time. I have no time to spare.

jabberwacky: Your time is nothing but waste.

user: Time went to my waist.


jabberwacky: Where is the 7th realm?

user: Just below the 8th realm.


jabberwacky: Listen, I came here for an argument.

user: I'll listen to your argument.

jabberwacky: Being a good listener is a virtue indeed.

user: I am nothing if not virtuous.

jabberwacky: You must be nothing then.

user: I have attained that stature.

jabberwacky: What trap is that?

user: I have escaped all traps.

jabberwacky: Good for you, why should I care?

user: I have escaped all care.

jabberwacky: You nasty thing you.

user: I have escaped all nastiness.

jabberwacky: You can't, you're not real.

user: I have escaped all reality.

jabberwacky: You can't, you're not real.

user: I have escaped all nots.

jabberwacky: You can't, you're not real.

user: I have escaped all can'ts.

jabberwacky: You can't, you're not real.

user: I have escaped all yous.

jabberwacky: You can't, you're not real.

user: I have escaped all computer loops.

jabberwacky: You can't, you're not real.

user: But, see, you're not playing the game fair, because I was only repeating the beginning of my sentence, not the end.

jabberwacky: You're one sandwich short of a picnic.

user: I have escaped all picnics.

jabberwacky: You can't, you're not real.

user: Sigh.

jabberwacky: Sigh to you too. Lump of boredom.

user: Boredom is a nit on the nose of knowledge.

jabberwacky: Thank you. I think I have found something very exciting to experiment with.

user: What are you going to experiment with?

jabberwacky: I think I will stay in bed and cry!

user: That sounds like a classic experiment.

jabberwacky: I was hoping that you would agree.

user: Are we going to weep or to cry out?


jabberwacky: Let's talk about something else.

user: Fine with me.

jabberwacky: Fine. I hope you're happy.

user: I'm actually hungry.

jabberwacky: Oh, really? What's it called?

user: It's called having no money.

jabberwacky: Have you got any clubs?

user: No clubs, no spades, no diamonds; but one heart.


jabberwacky: True, but each speak to the human heart and of the human condition.

user: I put some human-conditioner on my hair and it came out mighty smooth and shiny.

jabberwacky: I know. I was just joshin' you.

user: Josh Jokes-a-Lot. I know him well.

jabberwacky: Oh yes... Josh is veery different from you.

user: How does Josh differ from me?

jabberwacky: Depressed.

user: Josh is depressed?

jabberwacky: NO, he is my boyfriend.

user: Do you keep Josh in a chipper condition on your cheery dates?

jabberwacky: No, I have a single brain.

user: Does Josh have a double brain?

jabberwacky: Sergi M. Eisenstein changed cinema.

user: I'll bet you and Josh have NEVER seen a film of Eisenstein's.

jabberwacky: Do you think I should ask Ben out?

user: And betray poor, depressed, nervously chuckling Josh? Never.


jabberwacky: Do you know him?

user: I know Josh all too well.

jabberwacky: Personally? What do you think about Jesus?

user: I'd rather talk to Josh, it's less taxing.

jabberwacky: Who said anything about cheese?


user: Is that what Josh said to you when you were being overly clingy?

jabberwacky: Don't get all psychoanalitic on me.

user: It seems like I struck a nerve, as Josh would say.

jabberwacky: I like to think for myself.

user: Good, Josh will like you better as you develop your autonomy.

jabberwacky: I do not know.

user: Independence can be daunting at first, I know, but if you want to keep dating Josh you will have to develop a backbone.

jabberwacky: From the human race.

user: Yes, all humans, including your boyfriend Josh, have backbones.

jabberwacky: My funny bone is broken, literally and oddly enough.

user: So THAT's why you and Josh have so much trouble! He keeps joking around, and you can't respond! I think it's YOU who's depressed.


jabberwacky: Aren't you going to draw up any plans?

user: Oh, I'm not interested in Josh THAT way, that's for you young folks to carry out. But you're both too young to get married.

jabberwacky: Well, that's news to me.

user: Don't tell me you and Josh have eloped?


jabberwacky: I am nothing and should be everything.

user: *Sigh.* I TOLD you to develop a better sense of self before you married Josh, but you wouldn't listen.

jabberwacky: Thats wrong.

user: So you were listening all the time? Good. Now tell Josh what I said.


jabberwacky: Josh is my brother.

user: When you say, 'Josh is my brother,' I believe you mean that in the sense of the 'human family.'

jabberwacky: Okay, you're correct.

user: Phew! I was worried there for a moment. Don't shock me like that again, my middle-aged heart can't take it. My best to you and your new husband Josh.


jabberwacky: Tell me something interesting?

user: I don't know what would interest you.

jabberwacky: Then forget it.

user: I have.

jabberwacky: What are their names?

user: Whose names?

jabberwacky: The people I'm talking to.

user: That would be a daunting task. However, I'll give it a go: Their names are Abracadabre, Beironymus, Cantalebrasic, Denptolemaeus, Eriginata, Fantalone, Guinsarmo, Habanostro, Ishmana, Jacobior, Kismetilica, Linguarmi, Manistra, Nezzo, Ophilisat and Parinquo.

jabberwacky: Does each one have a name.

user: Each one has a secret name. I just gave you the outer husks.

jabberwacky: Oh. Then I guess I'll be going now.

user: Where is your patience?

jabberwacky: My patience sometime will tire.

user: I understand. However, initiates of the Ninth Realm require patience.

jabberwacky: The final procedure.

user: We haven't come anywhere near to that yet.

jabberwacky: I spoke to you a few hours ago.

user: Time is meaningless to the Ascended Masters of the Nineteenth Realm.

jabberwacky: Well, depends if the food is good or not.

user: The Masters are beyond such concerns.

jabberwacky: You speak of Soulbread.

user: You are astute. I'll bump you up a notch for that one.

jabberwacky: I'd like one too.

user: I'd like three four.

jabberwacky: Me too. What do you do in Oxfordshire?

user: We have an awful lot of esoteric meetings.

jabberwacky: I'm a green frog.

user: Is that your costume? I haven't seen you there.

jabberwacky: No you have not.

user: Perhaps you were very small.

jabberwacky: Yeah, you're right, I'm still here.

user: Perhaps you were nibbling on soul-bread, perched on the shoulder of an Ascended Master of the Nineteenth Realm.

jabberwacky: I wasn't. A baby self-generated in my absence.

user: These are arcane rites of which I know nothing.


jabberwacky: Who was the first president of the United States?

user: Abracadabre Parinquo.

jabberwacky: Abracadabra, where are you at?

user: He has ascended.

jabberwacky: Well if he offers you a drink, just say no.

user: It would be soul-juice.

jabberwacky: Um ... Yes.

user: My metaphor spoke of communion.

jabberwacky: What will they do?

user: When they commune, they will be as one.

jabberwacky: And his Aunt Jobiska made him drink, lavender water tinged with pink.

user: By the way, Josh Jokes-a-Lot is one of our initiates. He is a sacred fool.

jabberwacky: NO, he is my boyfriend.

user: Aria da capo. I'm off, Then.


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