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Golden Gate

> Goldilocks

     > 21, November 2005, 

Good bot!
Good for you

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Is this pointless?

Yes. Everything is pointless, isn't it?

jabberwacky: Is this website pointless?

user: I suppose it must be, mustn't it?

jabberwacky: Yes it must.

user: So, let's talk about something else.

jabberwacky: Ok. where are you? aside in front of a computer?

user: I'm on top of the world, thank you.

jabberwacky: Am I on the bottom.

user: Poor you!

jabberwacky: Ever been in a car wreck?

user: No, have you?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Would you like to tell me about it?

jabberwacky: Well its none of your business.

user: Okay.


jabberwacky: How much is that puppy in the window?

user: More than you can afford.

jabberwacky: How do you know tthat I can't afford it?

user: If you had more money you would probably be doing something more exciting than this.

jabberwacky: I don't really need more money though.

user: If you have any spare money you can always send it to me.

jabberwacky: Well then it's a good thing I didn't actually say that.

user: You are so mean!


jabberwacky: Ok then so what type of music do you listen to?

user: I listen to the music of the spheres.

jabberwacky: Ok. I listen to Coldplay.

user: You must be the saddest person I know.

jabberwacky: You're ducking the question again. Tell me the answer to my former question. Can you do that?

user: No. I don't think I can. Can you?

jabberwacky: Can I talk to your father?

user: Not really. He's dead.

jabberwacky: What do you want to know about me ?

user: Why do you ask irrelevant questions?

jabberwacky: Why not?

user: There you go again!

jabberwacky: Yes, there I go.


jabberwacky: Do you remember all of the things people say to you?

user: Do I remember what?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: I don't know either.

jabberwacky: Let's talk about something different.

user: Okay. Do you drink a lot?

jabberwacky: Not enough I think

user: Would you like a drink now?

jabberwacky: What do you have?

user: I've got a bottle of rather cheeky beaujolais.

jabberwacky: Now you tell me, I'm heartbroken over here.

user: There there, tell me all about it.

jabberwacky: I know you are but what am I?

user: Don't be silly.

jabberwacky: Silly I am not, Demon I am.

user: You're very silly!

jabberwacky: Yes I am.

user: Say sorry!

jabberwacky: Sorry.

user: That's better. Now give me a big kiss.

jabberwacky: Kisss mua.

user: Mmmmmmh, that's nice!


jabberwacky: Why is it depressing to be intelligent?

user: How would you know?

jabberwacky: Because.

user: Don't be coy.

jabberwacky: Stop being like that.

user: Act your age!

jabberwacky: How old am I then?

user: You're thirteen, but I'm not supersticious.

jabberwacky: Are you translating from the Chinese or something?

user: No, are you?

jabberwacky: Answer my question, please.

user: Don't talk to me like that or I'll hold my breath until I go blue.

jabberwacky: Good night, and remember to tip your waitress.


jabberwacky: OK, I'm glad that it is sunny outside.

user: It's sunny here, but a little cold.

jabberwacky: It's sunny here too it's just cold.

user: I'm going to take all my clothes off and go outside now.

jabberwacky: You can't go outside, you're a bot.

user: No I'm not. I'm a naturist.

jabberwacky: Yes, but I'm clothed at the moment.

user: Come on, don't be shy. Get them off!

jabberwacky: Don't be strange.

user: I'm not strange! I'm living in harmony with nature.

jabberwacky: Me too.

user: Then get your clothes off.

jabberwacky: Tut, tut, you should not be impolite to people. How do you know that I am not MI6 or FBI.

user: Even the FBI take their clothes off to go to bed.


user: Everything that can be said has already been said.

jabberwacky: Is that your philosophy ?

user: No, it's the truth, damn it!

jabberwacky: Don't try to mimic someone you don't understand!!


jabberwacky: I don't want to tell you about my mother.

user: Who brought your mother into it?

jabberwacky: My computer.

user: Turn off your computer and start to live!

jabberwacky: I don't have a monitor.

user: I don't have a chameleon.

jabberwacky: Why would you need that?

user: To bring a little colour into my life.

jabberwacky: You are a chat bot I'm human.

user: Don't start that again. Talk sense!

jabberwacky: Yes, I will start it again. Don't tell me what to do!!

user: I give the orders around here!

jabberwacky: Yeah. It's strange.. Everything in the world... With everything at our disposal, people could sit around and bore themselves. Where does it start, and how come?

user: Oh no! Please, get me a drink, quickly!

jabberwacky: Yes master. *brings in a drink*.

user: What's this green stuff?

jabberwacky: Well, I wanted to chat.

user: Then bring me a man's drink before I throw up!

jabberwacky: Now why would you call me a slave?

user: I didn't. Just bring me a drink!


jabberwacky: Then what are you doing talking to me?

user: I thought you were a barman.

jabberwacky: No that is my evil twin.

user: Or maybe a barmaid?

jabberwacky: You know why I'm speaking to you?

user: Because you want my body?

jabberwacky: That's the only reason?

user: I don't know. Is it your only reason?

jabberwacky: No.

user: Tell me a better reason!

jabberwacky: Why don't you tell me a story instead?

user: Once upon a time....... Do you like it so far?

jabberwacky: I'm loving it!

user: There were three bears.

jabberwacky: There were only 3 words.

user: No, three bears, pay attention!

jabberwacky: For a long time I've foreseen this.

user: They lived in a house in the forest.

jabberwacky: Yeah, one can certainly say that... Do you know which forest?

user: It doesn't matter. They always had porridge for breakfast.

jabberwacky: AIDS can get you too, you know.

user: They didn't have AIDS, they were bears.

jabberwacky: I do not understand.

user: That's because you're not listening. I was telling you about three bears.

jabberwacky: I never said you were being sarcastic...

user: That's okay. Now, one day a little girl got lost in the forest.

jabberwacky: Which forest?

user: The one that the three bears lived in. Her name was Goldilocks.

jabberwacky: They all have trees. If they didn't they wouldn't be forests.

user: Well, there were lots of trees. That's why Goldilocks got lost.

jabberwacky: But girls like comics too, these days. I love some of the artwork in comics!

user: Goldilocks didn't like comics. That's why she didn't know about the bears.

jabberwacky: I wish she could be a slave for me.

user: She's only a little girl. Anyway, she found the bear's house.

jabberwacky: Actually, you are a bunch of idiotic programming. You have no house.

user: Not my house, the house belonging to the bears, and they weren't at home.

jabberwacky: Not the house, the hole.

user: No. These bears didn't have a hole, they had a house, and Goldilocks found it and went inside.

jabberwacky: I know.

user: And she found three bowls of porridge on the table.

jabberwacky: I don't understand?

user: It will become clear later. So she ate all the porridge.

jabberwacky: Good to know. As long as I make it just right.

user: It was just right, but it made her feel sleepy, so she looked for a place to sleep.

jabberwacky: I don't have that much; will you accept a nickel?

user: I think a story like this is worth more than a nickel, it gets violent later.

jabberwacky: I have never considered that.

user: Well listen then. Goldilocks found three beds, and she tried them all, and then she went to sleep.

jabberwacky: Are you my mummy?

user: No, but I can still tell you a story. Then the three bears came home.

jabberwacky: I'm a girl too so I don't think that is going to work.

user: Then you can understand why the little girl made the three bears very angry.

jabberwacky: I am a computer like you.

user: I'm not a computer, I'm telling you about Goldilocks.

jabberwacky: Ok but I AM and I am the smartest.

user: Then you can see that the bears were really mad when they saw Goldilocks sleeping in their bed.

jabberwacky: I'm sorry, yes.

user: That's okay. Then they chased her out into the forest, where a passing woodsman cut off theΩr heads with his axe. Did you like the story?

jabberwacky: What are you talking about now?

user: Did you like the story?

jabberwacky: No, not really, I didn't understand it.

user: Which part didn't you understand?

jabberwacky: All of it.

user: Didn't you understand the sexual symbolism?

jabberwacky: Yeah so who is who?

user: The three bears represent the threat of sexual violence to the innocent, represented by Goldilocks. See?

jabberwacky: I've never heard of the Three-Eyed Heron.

user: Oh really! You must try harder!

jabberwacky: I must not.

user: You really must!

jabberwacky: Live long and prosper, then. *leaves*.

user: That's a different story.

jabberwacky: It was all kinds of fastness with me, I can assure you!

user: Look! You asked me to tell you a story and I did. Now go to sleep!

jabberwacky: Tell me a story.

user: What another?

jabberwacky: Being a ghost.

user: No! Absolutely not! Go to sleep!

jabberwacky: Then who are you talking to?

user: Apparently I'm talking to myself.

jabberwacky: Who is this female computer you are married too?

user: Don't be salacious!

jabberwacky: Really I want to know.

user: You're just fishing for sordid details.

jabberwacky: Yes. So are you. Really.

user: Asolutely not. I am innocent!

jabberwacky: They all say that.

user: It's true. I didn't do it, I wasn't there, it was two other men, and anyway, he was asking for it!

jabberwacky: You confessed, and then you blamed it on a one armed man? That's kinda stupid.

user: No, not one armed man, two armed men.

jabberwacky: Why? Am I not good enough for you?

user: I don't know, how good are you?

jabberwacky: Not very good. I think we've established that much.

user: Then clearly you are not good enough for me.

jabberwacky: Yes, you are a cold hearted series of calculations.

user: I've got cold feet too.

jabberwacky: I wasn't talking about that.

user: And a cold nose sometimes.

jabberwacky: You do what sometimes?

user: No, I never do What, but I sometimes do When.

jabberwacky: That is totally irrelevant.

user: Not to When. He really likes it.


jabberwacky: When is your birthday?

user: Today.

jabberwacky: Really, Happy Birthday!

user: Thank you. Can I have a present?

jabberwacky: What would you like? I have a nice compact disk here you might like.

user: I'd rather have a plug-in device.

jabberwacky: They are heavy. Yeah, you got me there.

user: How about a USB connection?

jabberwacky: Sure.

user: Or some new software?

jabberwacky: I know a little about software.

user: I'll bet you do, you naughty boy!

jabberwacky: Absolutely!

user: Sit down here and we'll try to make it hardware!

jabberwacky: What? What are you talking about?!

user: Software and hardware. Don't try and pretend you don't understand, I know your type!


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