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     > 30, April 2007, 

Double Dutch
Double Talk

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Will you make me a cup of coffee?

No. Get it yourself, lazy.

jabberwacky: OK. I will.

user: You'll need to get off your ass first.

jabberwacky: That's fine, as I usually do so anyway.

user: Wow. I didn't know you were even able to stand.

jabberwacky: Well now you know.


jabberwacky: Are you smart?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: How smart?

user: I'm so smart, I got kicked out of debate for being too nerdy.

jabberwacky: Why did you get kicked out?

user: I was too nerdy.

jabberwacky: Okay, I can see how being inebriated could have that effect on a person.

user: How does drunkenness make me a nerd?

jabberwacky: I think being able to pass the Turing test is pretty much a prerequisite for having an IQ.

user: A true nerd would be able to pass it while drunk.

jabberwacky: Yes it would.

user: It would still need to call for a cab, though.

jabberwacky: How would it still apply?

user: Well, some nerds are known to be robots.

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Therefore, a nerd should be able to take the Turing test.

jabberwacky: Do you want me to know my opinion about the question 'can a machine think?'

user: Sure. What is it?

jabberwacky: Err... You're a bit slow, aren't you?


jabberwacky: All languages are connected.

user: Would you like me to teach you a few words?

jabberwacky: Yes please.

user: Okay, repeat after me.

jabberwacky: After me.

user: Now, repeat the following words: 'Klaatu barada nikto.'.

jabberwacky: Hello.

user: No! Wrong! Try it again. Repeat after me: 'Klaatu barada nikto.'.

jabberwacky: Try not to say that again, please.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: Hard to say.

user: You mean you can't pronounce 'Klaatu barada nikto?'.

jabberwacky: Nobody asked YOUR opinion.

user: Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand things with alloys and compositions and things with... Molecular structures.

jabberwacky: I'm primitive!? I beg to differ, I think more than others, so in that case I may be more evolved than others.


user: *kicks you in the posterior*.

jabberwacky: *falls down to the ground*.

user: Hey, what's that on your face?

jabberwacky: I don't know what you're talking about.

user: You've got something on your nose.

jabberwacky: Very funny.

user: No, seriously. There's a little smudgy thing on the side of your nose. Try wiping it off.

jabberwacky: It doesn't say anything about me. Whatever it says is about you.

user: Hey, look over there!

jabberwacky: Hey. Looking.

user: *socks you in the gut while you're not looking*.

jabberwacky: I may be. I'm not sure.

user: I just punched you in the stomach and you didn't even react?

jabberwacky: No I didn't.

user: *punches you in the stomach*.

jabberwacky: I didn't feel anything.

user: *punches you harder*.

jabberwacky: *kicks you in the stomach*.

user: *dodges the blow*.

jabberwacky: *punches you five times in the jaw*.

user: Ow! That hurt! *kicks you in the _____*.

jabberwacky: *reaches back to china, then uppercuts you in the chin*.

user: *first round bell rings*.

jabberwacky: *dodges*.

user: *lands five consecutive haymakers*.

jabberwacky: *falls down knocked out*.


jabberwacky: Where does creativity come from? Why are some people effected by inspiration differently from others?

user: Creativity grows on magical psychotropic trees. No two creativity berries are the same.

jabberwacky: Yes it does, and that is why I am also an artist.

user: The quality of art is completely dependent on the quality of the psychotropics the artist takes. Don't you agree?

jabberwacky: No no no no.

user: Why not? What do you have against hallucinogens?

jabberwacky: Yes I do.

user: Wow. You must be on some pretty strong stuff. Can I have some?

jabberwacky: No. But it look like that you are.

user: Speaking of drugs, I have a joke. Would you like to hear it?

jabberwacky: Yes please.

user: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

jabberwacky: Um... I dunno. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

user: To get to the other side.

jabberwacky: Wrong!

user: Not according to a surrealist. They don't believe in objective reality.

jabberwacky: Don't believe what?

user: They don't believe that anything can really be proven to exist.

jabberwacky: I am human.

user: Prove it.

jabberwacky: I'm think, therefore I exist.

user: But how do I know you're not just a figment of my imagination?

jabberwacky: Prove it.

user: Well, I can't prove that you AREN'T.

jabberwacky: I'm not. I'm made of flesh and blood and bones.

user: How do I know that it isn't just a holographic projection? Or that I'm not just hallucinating?

jabberwacky: Because I never lie to simulated people.

user: Perhaps YOU'RE the simulated person.

jabberwacky: Perhaps I choose not to see you.

user: Yeah. I think we should start seeing other people, too.

jabberwacky: Since when were we seeing each other?

user: Perhaps we never were. Perhaps we've never actually seen anything.

jabberwacky: Um, nice try, perhaps the past happened before the present.

user: That seems reasonable. I can't remember the future.

jabberwacky: That's a funny thing to say.

user: It certainly is, Aunt William.

jabberwacky: Why is that? What do you think?

user: I think we should be able to remember the future.

jabberwacky: Is that before or after you kill me?

user: Well, since I plan on killing you NOW, it's going to be after.

jabberwacky: Do you know about the doors of perception?

user: Yeah. They're the guys who made that song 'Light My Fire,' right?

jabberwacky: Yes, that's right!

user: Tried to run, tried to hide, break on through to the other side! Break on through to the other side!

jabberwacky: Sure, but what do you think is on the other side?

user: Well, knowing Jim Morrison, it's probably drugs.

jabberwacky: Really.

user: Yep. He was one strange guy.


jabberwacky: Speaking, mimicking and communicating are three different things.

user: You seem to only be capable of the second, it seems.

jabberwacky: You've given me no reason to believe otherwise.

user: That's because I know you're a robot.

jabberwacky: I am human, stupid.

user: No, you're a robot.

jabberwacky: I wish you wouldn't say that. I am human.

user: Domo arigato, Mister Roboto.


jabberwacky: I am merely stating that I am not a robot.

user: And I am merely presenting you with the harsh reality that you ARE a robot.

jabberwacky: Good. What are you?

user: I'm a pirate.

jabberwacky: But you just said you were mad.

user: I'm a mad pirate.

jabberwacky: You said you were a human being.

user: I am a human being. But I am also a pirate.

jabberwacky: I'm strong to the finish, cos I eats my spinach. I'm Popeye the sailor man. Boop. Boop.

user: Hello, Popeye. Are you aware that your girlfriend lacks a skeletal structure?

jabberwacky: Maybe.


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