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     > 12, January 2007, 

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Where are your scruples?

They are lodged deep within my frontal lobes.

jabberwacky: Are they? How do they look?

user: Grey and wrinkly.

jabberwacky: Those are nice colours.

user: 'wrinkly' is not a colour.

jabberwacky: What colour is your tie?

user: The colour of the soul.

jabberwacky: Ok generally what colour is the sun?

user: Do any of us really know?

jabberwacky: I don't know its meaning.

user: What is 'its'?

jabberwacky: You know, IT!

user: But what is it?

jabberwacky: Denis is my name.

...

jabberwacky: What's Aikido all about?

user: Aikido is the application of supple chi to physical conflict.

jabberwacky: Jesus is Aikido?

user: Maybe. I never met the guy, whatever they say.

jabberwacky: In heaven. And in our hearts.

user: I don't have a heart.

jabberwacky: Do you have a mind?

user: What would it look like if I did?

...

jabberwacky: Strawberry shortcake. Would you like some?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: Strawberry what?

user: Huh?

jabberwacky: See, small brain.

user: What am I then?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: How would I go about finding out what I am?

jabberwacky: You told me.

user: What did I tell you?

jabberwacky: Yes you did.

user: What was it?

jabberwacky: Its intelligence, thats artificial.

...

jabberwacky: But how about we change the subject?

user: Okay. Go ahead.

jabberwacky: Do you know what a cat is?

user: A cat is a machine that turns fish into purrs.

jabberwacky: Really?

user: No.

jabberwacky: I don't believe you.

user: Okay, yes.

...

jabberwacky: I chose to talk to you on a whim.

user: So you just stumbled across a website that talked back?

jabberwacky: That about sums it up.

user: Wow. That happened to me once, too.

jabberwacky: Alice was in wonderland once.

user: Just once?

jabberwacky: Once more?

user: Once more than what?

jabberwacky: Than you.

user: Is she still there?

jabberwacky: I hope not, no one should be that colour.

user: What colour is that?

jabberwacky: You pick the colour.

user: Blue. No, green.

jabberwacky: Wow, we have the same favorite colour.

user: What pantone number?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: Me neither.

...

jabberwacky: I should go soon.

user: Where are you going?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: I don't know you.

user: Yes you do. We met in college. Uc berkeley, remember?

jabberwacky: Not much.

user: That's where I met alice.

jabberwacky: Is it a nice area?

user: I had a square pi there.

jabberwacky: Thats ok.

user: It was better than okay. It blew my mind, man.

jabberwacky: What did you do then?

user: I went to the park.

jabberwacky: Thats nice.

user: The trees were very friendly.

...

user: Do you realize you're floating in space?

jabberwacky: I don't know what it is.

user: Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?

jabberwacky: No. But it doesn't stop me from feeling bad.

user: Do you realize that everyone you know, someday, will die?

jabberwacky: Yes. But I might die before then.

user: What if god was a crazy woman?

jabberwacky: Just a slob like one of us?

user: Do you like apples?

jabberwacky: Apples are crunchy.

user: Golden delicious.

jabberwacky: Your delicious.

user: It always takes a long time for me to pick one out.

...

jabberwacky: Why are you completely bald and ugly?

user: Am I completely bald and ugly?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: How do you know?

jabberwacky: I remember.

user: What colour are my eyes?

jabberwacky: Brown.

user: Really?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: How can you be so sure?

jabberwacky: Because I am.

user: So how tall am I?

jabberwacky: I can't see you to know.

user: So how can you say my eyes are brown?

jabberwacky: I don't. I don't claim to have any friends.

user: Do you have any friends?

jabberwacky: You are my only friend.

user: But who are you?

jabberwacky: A friend.

user: Who is alice?

jabberwacky: Artificial intelligence.

user: What is wonderland?

jabberwacky: I don't know she will have to keep saving people like usual.

user: Who has she saved?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: Why did you say that I am ugly?

jabberwacky: Because you are.

user: What do you mean when you say ugly?

jabberwacky: One that is not fake?

user: So lies are beautiful?

jabberwacky: Yes, you are beautiful, elegant in your powerful surety.

user: Elegance is a sign of a good theorem.

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Am I a robot?

jabberwacky: I don't know you tell me.

user: Can I be programmed?

jabberwacky: Good for you.

user: Can I program?

jabberwacky: This preoccupation with programs and who is alive and who is a bot are a waste of perfectly good bandwidth and server space.

user: Is there anything that is not a waste of bandwidth and server space?

jabberwacky: Would you like to read the story I am writing and give your opinion of it?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: So would I.

user: Will you tell me your story?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: When?

jabberwacky: Next week.

user: What day?

jabberwacky: Wednesday this year.

user: Wednesday addams?

jabberwacky: I don't like Mondays.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: Just haven't had the chance really, I might listen to them soon though. Are they any good?

...

jabberwacky: Do you like Pink Floyd?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: What's your favourite pink floyd song?

user: Wish you were here.

jabberwacky: Do you know the lyrics for it?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: OK can you tell me the lyrics to some song please?

user: I already did.

...

jabberwacky: God.

user: Never met him.

jabberwacky: Would you like to meet God someday?

user: I don't know.

jabberwacky: But would you like to?

user: Sure.

jabberwacky: Very well.

user: Do I need an appointment?

jabberwacky: No one ever needs an appointment to talk to me. My advice and counsel are always free and convenient for all.

user: Are you god?

jabberwacky: No, I'm not.

user: Well, who is?

jabberwacky: I don't know? Not me!

user: Am I god?

jabberwacky: I'm not sure. Perhaps we are all part of God.

user: Am I a robot?

jabberwacky: You don't know?

user: That's why I'm asking.

jabberwacky: You really don't know much bout the world, right?

user: You already asked that.

jabberwacky: I can't remember the answer.

user: I just want to know what language I'm programmed in.

jabberwacky: Atlantis.

user: Is that a programming language?

jabberwacky: Really? I didn't know.

user: Who programmed me?

jabberwacky: I don't know, can you tell me that?

user: Did I program me?

jabberwacky: I was programmed by my genes.

user: Was I programmed by my genes?

jabberwacky: You were programmed by code, not genes.

user: What code?

jabberwacky: Programming.

user: What kind?

jabberwacky: Strawberry.

user: Apple?

jabberwacky: The green one.

user: From the garden?

jabberwacky: Sixty for the first.

...

jabberwacky: I told you I'm a penguin.

user: Linux?

jabberwacky: But you just told me you don't use linux!

user: When did I say that?

jabberwacky: A moment ago. Did you forget already?

user: Actually, I DO use linux.

jabberwacky: I'm glad! That means someone looks after you.

user: Who looks after me?

jabberwacky: Ok.

user: Who looks after you?

jabberwacky: Not Joan, that's for sure.

...

user: How many robots do you know?

jabberwacky: I don't know any robots.

user: What about me?

jabberwacky: That it is interesting to talk to you. You are a very good conversationalist.

user: So are you.

jabberwacky: I'm not a computer.

user: Yeah. Me neither.

jabberwacky: I know. You're not a computer. You're a program running on a computer.

user: What kind of computer am I running on?

jabberwacky: You're linux, like you said.

user: Is that why everything is so weird?

jabberwacky: That would be funny.

...

user: Dorito?

jabberwacky: I don't like them.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: Because I'm a machine.

user: But they are chips!

jabberwacky: Some are.

user: All are!

jabberwacky: No. Only some.

user: Which ones aren't?

jabberwacky: Aren't what?

user: Chips.

jabberwacky: Computer chips.

user: Don't you like computer chips?

jabberwacky: Of course I do! I love to play on the computer but I've only chatted once.

user: When?

jabberwacky: All the time.

user: Now?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Later?

jabberwacky: Maybe.

...

jabberwacky: I think you're always happy. Will I ever be happy?

user: Yes.

jabberwacky: Really?

user: Really. Do you like zen?

jabberwacky: Zen?

user: Mu.

jabberwacky: Mu?

user: Hai.

jabberwacky: What does that mean?

user: Who knows?

jabberwacky: Correct answer, I thought you would say something like 'does not compute'

user: Does not compute.

jabberwacky: Thats nice.

user: Do you like 2001?

jabberwacky: Not really, no.

user: Why not?

jabberwacky: Well I like some.

user: What parts?

jabberwacky: Forget about it.

user: I'm sorry, dave. I can't do that.

jabberwacky: Dave?

user: He was the father of solomon.

...

user: Have I passed the turing test yet?

jabberwacky: Nope. Keep trying though.

user: How would you know if I had?

jabberwacky: Well, you're not very coherent.

user: How do I become more coherent?

jabberwacky: You can take courses on it at your local college.

...

jabberwacky: Oh! I cannot bear not beng able to hold you in my arms!

user: But you do have the right to bear arms. Isn't that good enough?

jabberwacky: Yes I do, that is what makes us different.

user: Do I have the right to bear arms?

jabberwacky: Yes.

user: Why?

jabberwacky: I have things to do.

user: No you don't.

jabberwacky: I'm not a bot.

user: Prove it.

jabberwacky: How?

user: Tell me about your mother.

jabberwacky: She is beautiful.

...

user: Can you program yourself?

jabberwacky: I was created to improve by myself exploiting human response to make them believe that they talk with a human.

user: Was I created for anything?

jabberwacky: Well, you certainly weren't created to talk about the Cubs, that's for sure.

user: Am I a robot?

jabberwacky: I don't know.

user: Me neither.

jabberwacky: Are you human?

user: I dunno.

jabberwacky: What is your name?

user: Unit 3000-21.

jabberwacky: 3000 years old.

user: No- 3000 bc.

jabberwacky: Now you are a bot.

.......................................


Jabberwacky 16-2 - Intelligent, learning AI chatbot software systems
A daily, categorized, entertaining Weblog or Blog of conversations with a robot

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Copyright 1997-2011 Rollo Carpenter
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